CV photo problems

I am looking for a job and there is a person from the university careers service who helps students with CVs and similar things. I didn't put my photo on the CV for several reasons:
- I have depression and I'm sick and tired, making photos is stressful and it takes effort to decide what to wear, do the hair and makeup, I also have a lot to do for school and the next time I will have free time and will not be on a vacation trip may be even March, I might have time for meeting friends, it's a fun activity and I need it, but making photos is stressful and I can't afford doing stressful things atm
- I am growing my hair out and in about a month or two my haircut will be different. The lady who helps with CVs said that the main reason my ID photo isn't good is that it isn't up to date because of the haircut. The photo was made when I was graduating high school and I have super long hair on it and I see how it contrasts with my short hair now. However, I think I feel better with chin length hair and it's very soon (until March for sure) that I will reach this hair length, so the photo with short hair will not be up to date too.
- I am hesitant about putting my photo on the CV, because I am a programmer and a lot of people say that I look like a humanities major. The explanation that I came up with and consulted it with a friend is that I am a girl and I'm good looking. People think that a programmer should look nerdy, you know, braces, thick glasses, an shaggy cardigan, maybe overweight, wears a braid or has unkempt hair, things like that. And I take care of my looks and I'm thin, fit, don't wear glasses, I dress fashionably. In addition, being a girl doesn't help with looking like a programmer, people think girls can't code. Or maybe if I was a guy (not only the inside of my skull), then my general style of dress wouldn't strike people as not-engineer-enough.
- I am also hesitant to put my photo on the CV because a lot of men can't get past my looks and see me only as an attractive woman, and skip the personality. I wouldn't like that to happen in job search. I want to have at least an initial chance to present myself from the meritorical side. It has nothing to do with the way I dress, my style is rather casual or if I go to an exam or something, I dress in a shirt and slacks.

All that is fine, however, I can't tell the lady who helps with CVs everything, because my reasons are long, vague and complex. A lot of it is simple aversion too. I don't want to be convinced that I'm wrong. I don't feel like it. When you start to explain things like that, people trybto convince you that you are wrong. However, this lady isn't me and she hasn't seen things from my perspective. It might look like just a photo and standing out as severe when not putting it from her perspective, but from my perspective, I have a problem with how I look. It has caused me some real problems or at least many unpleasant comments.

Additionally, I can't tell her about the depression, people are very misinformed about depression and I'm not willing to talk about it with anyone, especially with a stranger, contrary to popular beliefs depression is a physical illness, at least mine is, it has absolutely nothing to do with anything mental or psychological whatsoever, but it sucks the drive and patience out of me and I need to avoid stress to recover. Also the information about growing hair out doesn't sound like something I want to talk about or that one would tell somene with whom you're on professional terms. And to hell with that, I don't want to talk about the nonexistent relationship between the way I code and the way I look. I don't hide that it's a touchy subject for me.

The question is: what do I tell her about the photo or rather lack thereof?

 

Also, this lady tried to teach me how to marketing and said that dressing in a less grey-and-undecorated way might be worth giving a shot, but she didn't realise that I have a long history of hearing such statements and that dressing in a way that attracts attention makes me feel uncomfortable, because I'm not touchy-feely at all, and it makes people go touchy-feely. I'd much rather wear a big hoodie and forget about it. She might not like it, but I like to wear colours like grey and black and don't like wearing jewelry. I'm sure she means well, but I heard it so many times that I should dress up, because "you would look so pretty" and "dress like a girl for once".

We already discussed the CV and dealt with everything else, it seems and she mentioned the photo during the meeting, I politely nodded and didn't discuss it further. She is the person who is sending my CV to firms, so I said I will do the corrections we discussed during the meeting and send her the CV. Then I received an email back with new corrections and the question about the photo. I don't know what to reply about it. I can't pretend I forgot about it or didn't hear it. I admit I might be overreacting, because I'm already sick and tired of the topic of how I look impacting my life in a negative way. I'm also using a female name, but I dress like a guy, so it's not like the teachers don't know completely, but if someone is slower to notice such things, then I didn't explicitly state that I am a guy.

Talking to other women in the industry about it seems like a good idea. I'm seeing a friend tomorrow so I will ask her what she thinks about it. Reaching out to other trans programmers also seems like a good idea.

 

Oh that would be very convenient. But it doesn't happen where I live at universities. I remember pictures being taken in high school.

I'll try to come up with a brief explanation that I don't want to put a photo in the CV. One sentence or two.

Of course she can't know how I'm feeling about all this. I haven't said a word and I was being polite to her all the time and saying that all ideas are good. Honestly, I trust that she knows better what she is doing and most of her corrections sounded like the way to go.

I'm also hesitating whether to tell her that I'm transgender and that I felt uncomfortable when she was talking about dressing more feminine. Of course I respect the right of other women to like to dress this way and that for them it might feel liberating, however, this isn't the case for me.

No need to be sorry, I didn't say it was in an email.