So hey yall this is my first post..... So I'm in college and would describe myself as mostly straight, but incidentally attracted to guys. I am not attracted to most guys, but every so often I see a guy and I can't help but wonder what it would be like to be with a guy. I've only been with girls before. However, I wouldn't want to tell anyone how I feel before I realize what it I am, myself. Also, I feel like my sexuality fluctuates, and how much I'm attracted to girls vs. guys depends on the day. I think I want to experiment with a guy to see how it makes me feel. I often also have trouble distinguishing between sexual attraction and more superficial "friendship" attraction, so that doesn't really help. I think I need an experience to see if there's anything behind these feelings. I know I shouldn't feel obligated to define my sexuality, but I think about it a lot. Also, I'm wondering if what I'm feeling is normal. Most guys my age seem as if they would be absolutely disgusted by any male contact at all...I wonder if that is because of social norms, or if they really are like that. With most guys, I wouldn't be necessarily attracted, but not disgusted either...more like indifferent, except for the occasional ones that I find attractive. Can someone give me some words of advice about how to safely, yet discreetly experiment in college--and also any encouragement/things to make me feel better (because I think about this a lot, and it bothers me). Thanks!
I'm a college student here too, but am openly gay and out to everyone. I'm having trouble following what exactly you mean by being unable to differentiate between a friendship attraction and sexual attraction. The difference seems pretty clear to me... When you think about guys, do you get sexually excited or not? (Or I guess I should ask when you think about the specific guys that you find attractive). Are you involved in any fraternities? I always hear stories about the guys getting drunk and fooling around with each other... of course they all deny it as if it never happened the next day. Maybe that could be a way for you to experiment with a guy on campus or something. There are always the online hook up sites if you are willing to go that far (ie craigslist, etc), but I really wouldn't recommend that. I feel like if you are thinking about your sexuality a lot, then perhaps you should definitely figure out a way to confirm it. That is the only way you'll truly know. And you are right that there is no rush or obligation to place rigid bounds on what your sexuality is. It's very subjective and only up to you to decide. Some guys pretend to be completely disgusted because of social norms when deep down they are probably trying to suppress some sort of hidden desire to experience it for themselves. Some guys, on the other hand, really are truly that disgusted by it. It depends on a lot of things. If you need to talk more, feel free to PM me. I will be happy to listen.
It is likely that there is something there for you with men. While the fear of all contact with a gender outside of our orientation is often dramatized by straight men, if someone was completely gay or straight they wouldnt really exhibit attraction to the same sex. Either way experimentation if completely normal and healthy if you have a desire to do it. 'How go about experimenting' can differ depending on the situation. Its a tad harder to do it discreetly because its harder to find anything other then a random 'hook up'. I'd advise against looking hook ups all-together, but especially if the purpose is to experiment because they will often be very awkward and uncomfortable. Not to mention, probably not with someone you are genuinely attracted too. The only thing I could really recommend is trying make a gay friend, or possibly going to a LGBT event off campus somewhere. Though, in all honesty... Your in college, live alittle! I know these things can always be nerve racking, but even if you went to an LGBT event on campus, I doubt anyone would really notice, or care. Life is just too short for us to go around overthinking things.
