I’ve kind of noticed with my crushes on girls that I often found first that I was attracted to them and wanted to get to know them better before thinking about romantic scenarios with them. When I first started developing crushes on girls, I noticed that there was this natural pull for me wanting to get close to them and thinking they were cute, but I didn’t imagine what it would be like to kiss them until being with my ex-gf. I remember one night being on a phone call with her and the thought suddenly popped into my head that I really wanted to kiss her and asking her that if we ever met that we could kiss. I know that with crushes it takes time for feelings to develop and what not. So maybe I haven’t let the feelings develop enough? I remember wanting to date one of the girls I liked and got jealous/upset when she began to date my friend. It’s all so....complicated. I just worry that this means all of my crushes on girls were fake and not true and I’m a straight girl in denial. I know some may go “oh you’re demisexual!” but like....it was the same with guys but I never imagined being together with them in the long run like I could with my ex-gf. Not even really the guys I dated except for being miserable. Sexuality is confusing lol. I just know that I really wanna fall for a girl and fall completely in love with one. I know I may just be a late bloomer all around. Maybe when I move out things will be easier. I know when I kissed a girl too, it got better as time went on and I got the ‘tingles’ down my spine. Having sex and kissing a girl is fucking amazing and I can’t wait to do it again with a girl that I love.
