Before everything, I just want to say that my english isn't perfect so I'm sorry for the mistakes and I hope my post won't be too umcomfortable to read. First element of context : I have a friend group of 7 (including me) in school, most of my friends were in my class last year but because I'm more scientifist and my friends more literary, we're not in the same class this year, but we still hang out and eat together a few times a week. Two people on the friend group are new, they were a friend's friend changing high school and the beginning were rough. I didn't have a problem with them, but other friends did, I didn't follow all the drama because we're not in the same class but the beginning were really rough, but now things are fine. But I, on the other hand, I think I have a crush on one of the new friend. I know that in october, I already tought to myself "I could date that friend." and it was a tought that would come back every so often. But I noticed that in february, the thought have become "I'd like to date that friend." and it hasn't really leave. Second element of context : in may, I had a one month relationship with a girl who I really love. I knew how to make my proposal of mariage one month before we start dating, we talked everyday for almost half a year, we were very close and the breakup was devastating to me. That's why, in october, when I started to think about dating my friend, I ignored it because I still loved my ex and I couldn't think too seriously of anyone else. After seven month of crying everyday, I got over my ex in one week. It felt wierd that it was so quick but I was just glad to feel better. But even if I don't miss my ex like I used to I have to admit that I miss being in a relationship. And that's where my question come from : do I really like that one friend or do I just like the idea of being in a relationship ? Because this friend is great, I think she's the prettiest girl I know, we have the same humor, she's really nice but it's not love. I know I have some kind of attraction to her, I have to be honest, but it's not love like I could have felt before, for my ex or even for other crushes before that. And that's why I think maybe I just want to date her because I feel lonely sometime. I miss being in a relationship, to some extent and if I really want to try something with her, I don't think loneliness is a good basis. But other than that, I'm not willing to risk my friendship with her, because I care about her as a friend and also because there was enough drama in our friend group without my feelings in the equation. And also, I don't think it's a good idea to try anything with her because, even if she's bi, I know I'm not her type of girl at all. She likes more feminine women, who take care of their looks, and I'm too lazy to take care of my looks and when I do, I prefer being more masculine to be honest. So I'm kinda lost right now. I have always be really bad with my feelings and I don't really know what to think or even do, if it is a good idea to do anything. Thanks for reading and any advices would be welcome
First don't worry about your English. It's very good. Even better than mine. Secondly it's understandable to feel conflicted, especially after going through a difficult breakup, but it's important to take some time to reflect on your feelings and consider what you truly want. It's also okay to miss being in a relationship, but rushing into one just to fill a void may not be the best approach. Maybe you could spend more time with your friend, getting to know them better, and see if your feelings develop further or if they remain platonic.
So when it comes to dating friends or coworkers I usually suggest never going there. When you date a friend you kind of lose your individual identity and everyone in your shared social circle wants to know your personal relationship business or asks about your partner instead of you. Then if things don't work out between you two, (whether it was mutual or not), everyone will be quick to judge and take sides. That being said, it's just my personal opinion and experience. However I have seen it work out sometimes for other people and their friend circle was mature about it. If you really do like this girl then I would make sure she is BI, what her type is, and you genuinely want to pursue her before you make a move. In the past after a breakup I have also missed being in a relationship and wasn't sure what I wanted. I realized, once you make that switch in your head from wanting a relationship - to thinking I want to fall in love, is when you know you're ready to move on. It could take a couple weeks or several months or even longer. It just depends on the person and circumstance. When you say [I have to be honest, but it's not love like I could have felt before] its because it is different. You never fall in love the same way twice. We are always changing, growing, and evolving. Like wise so will our thoughts, actions, and how we fall in love. Don't try to chase past love and get stuck in the past. Falling in love is beautiful and different every time.
Pretty Sense of humour You’re attracted to her I can see why you’d want to date her, she sounds great. If you ‘click’ really well as friends, sometimes that’s enough as a starting point. If she’s bi, maybe she would date you, maybe not, but if you don’t ask then you won’t find out. You definitely don’t need to be in love with someone to date them though! For me anyway, mutual attraction and good chemistry is enough to consider taking things further.
Thank you all for your aswer ! I'm still not sure for myself but they help me to think about thing in other perspective, so thanks. I understand what you're saying but I don't really see myself dating someone who's not my friend, I know that it can be bad for our social circle, maybe that's why I'm hesitant but I don't think I can like someone I'm not close with. I think I kinda want to fall in love but it's not my first thought. I'm sure she's bi, we're really open about this in our friend group. For the rest, I'm not sure. I don't think I am her type but I could be wrong since we never really discuss about this. I think we have a good chemistry but it could be one sided.
