Hi there. So I'm in a peculiar situation with a "friend" of mine(I consider him more than just a friend) who we will call Chad for the sake of anonymity. I've known Chad ever since August of 2015 and over the months I've grown accustomed to his personality and his style, really. Chad eventually (about a month or two ago) told me that he was sexually attracted to me and was open to doing sexual things. Pictures were exchanged and recently it materialized into reality. I will not be too detailed because of the site rules, but all I will say is that it was incredibly passionate and he said that we were more than friends, "secret lovers". When he was about to go home he kissed me directly on the lips, when all was said and done. Now, Chad has a "girlfriend"(truly I'm not sure if they're even dating, every week or so they break up and get back together. It's a long-distance relationship) and claims that he doesn't love me in the way he loves her, but in a "sexual way". I'm confused as hell, I see Chad everyday at school and I truly harbor feelings for him. I'm not sure if I should keep trying to pursue him romantically, keep what we have sexually or just drop it all. We have a great friendship, many things in common and so on. But my feelings for him are more salient than ever... What do you advise, Empty closets? (Note: We're both 16. I understand if a relationship happens it may not last past High School, I don't have unrealistic expectations. I simply would like to experience it and if it lasts, it lasts, if it doesn't then the experience will last forever) Thanks!
Does he know that you're gay? If you don't think that it will affect you too much emotionally or that it won't damage the friendship and are really enjoying the experience, then I would just continue on with doing things and have fun with it and see where it goes. But that is just how I would look at it if it were me in that situation at that age. Who knows, perhaps he'll come around to desiring something more on down the line.
Only you can decide what will be best for you, based on your feelings. Do you think continuing sexually with him will hurt you emotionally if he continues seeing other people? It sounds like it may, but only you would know if that's true for yourself. You'll also want to consider if engaging in something like that may harm your friendship in any way. It may not at all, but just something to consider. Try to think about each possible option and think about where it would lead down the road, and then think about what you ultimately want for yourself emotions-wise. Best of luck!
It doesn't hurt, it's moreso just unfortunate. I understand his disposition, I understand that he probably wants this purely sexual for now. However when he begins talking about being secret lovers, kissing me after we've finished sex and so on, it kind of sends mixed messages.
I think Chad may be gayer than he wants to admit. You guys are young and I couldn't help but notice you're from Georgia, which if that's the Georgia in the U.S. then there's why. Being from a conservative part of the country makes it harder to face something like this, and so you hide from it. I don't doubt he's being honest with you but I'm pretty sure he isn't with others, especially his "gf". He may be sorting out some things so don't push him too hard, and ultimately you have to do what's best for you. If he isn't ready then he isn't ready. It sucks for you because of your feelings for him, but you're young and there's plenty out there yet.
A lot of this is what you need to decide for yourself, you need to listen to your heart and really see if this is something you want to pursue further. Have you talked to him about how you are failing for him on a romantic site of things? If he has a Girlfriend that he is on and off with you may need to pull back and see. Now let me tell you what I would do in your case, I would first tell him how I feel about him and what the sexual acts where doing. I would also pull back and stay friends with him. Here's the reason why, it's not right for him to lead you on when his true romantic feelings are for his Girlfriend. While you may do sexual things with him it might make you fall for him more and more when he just doesn't see you anything more as a friend with benefits if you will. All I am saying is just watch what happens and maybe pull back a little this way if things change in an instant you will not be as hurt as you would be. Be sure to listen to your heart, and it will tell you the right course for you.
I do really like him and my fear is what if I never find someone who I like as much, or even more than him? I understand that's improbable, but still, it's concerning..
