Corrupt A Wish

Granted, but you're only able to use this power once and then never again.

I wish I could fly.

 

But you crash into an airplane the first time you try it.

I wish the night lasted a little longer.

 

Granted! But for some mysterious, random reason, it makes you go bald.

I wish I didn't live in such fear of going broke, and being homeless.

 

And BAM, your wish is my command . You're bill gates, dude .
I wish I had more of this weekend ( and cojones, well mine I mean . For this post ).

 

granted. but you can never feel fear again. you fight or flight instinct no longer works.

I wish I owned a bunny sanctuary.

 

Granted, but they're killer vampire bunnies.

I wish my cat could go out, and get a job.

 

Granted. Your cat is a hooker and brings other cats into your house for loud meowing sex at 2 AM

I wish Mitch McConnell would renounce his US citizenship and move to Micronesia.

 

Done. Mitch McConnell is hot man.
I want a new genie who doesn't add qualifiers/quantifiers to my wishes .

 

You wished for nothing (didn't say "I wish") so you're stuck with ME!!

I wish I had the power to lure and seduce anyone I wanted.

 

Granted, but you're so good at it that you start accidentally seducing everyone you see... which gets weird.

I wish I was an amazing cook.

 

Your food is amazing, butter people who eat it die mysteriously in a week.. Which puts you in jail.

I wish I could turn my Japanese ball jointed doll into a real person.

 

Granted, but like many dolls, once alive it becomes evil, and kills the entire county. They do make a good movie about it, though.

I wish all vegetables sang cheerful songs as you ate them.

 

Yes, but they bleed and cry too.

I wish for infinite pancakes.

 

Granted, but you're crushed beneath a huge stack of them, and smother in butter and syrup.

I wish rocks, bricks and cement were edible, tasty and nutritious, and formed an important part of a nutritious breakfast.

 

Granted, but people will start to eat the bottom of buildings, which would then collapse and destroy everything...

I wish that I could have three more wishes...

 

They all backfire horribly ^_-

I wish I didn't have to wake up in the daytime at all

 

Granted. Unfortunately, you can't wake up at any other time, as well.

I wish trees could talk.

 

All the trees spout Fox News rhetoric. (I mean, they're old right?)

I wish I had my own attack helicopter!

 

Granted! But the pilot is Honey Boo Boo's mother, who is always present with the helicopter, and she's really bad at operating helicopters.

I wish I could live peacefully in the forest.

 

Granted, but one no one ever comes to visit you, you're all alone for the rest of your life.

I wish I could live in Versailles in the 18th century for just one day.