Over a long period of time I have been thinking about what led me to question my own sexuality. At first I didn't know anything other then it felt right to be with another women, but now I finally understand that it is more then just that. When I was littler, 'round nine or so, I was sexually abused by my uncle. (He is no longer my uncle, they divorced.) Ever since then I cannot stomach the thought of... 'doing something' with a male. When I brought up my sexuality to my mum, she asked me: "do you want to have sex with a boy, or a girl?" Well this had me stumped. I certainly do not want to have intercourse with a male, but I cannot see myself having sex with a female either. However I can see myself 'doing that' with a girl more then I can a boy. Also, being with a girl and cuddling with her is way more comfortable then doing it with a male. I'm always sort of nervous or uncomfortable if I try to cuddle with a boy. And I find myself liking girls more. Since then I have been wondering, am I bi-sexual, or lesbian? Whenever I try to tell myself: "I am a lesbian, I obviously only like girls", I start to think: "but can I see myself marrying a girl? Spending the rest of my life with her?" So I'm now deeply confused. I do not know if I'm lesbian, or bi-sexual. Any help on the matter is very appreciated. :help:
I'm very sorry to hear that you were sexually abused. I have been abused in that way as well, only at a later age. It seems to me you're not really interested in sex right now, (which is good as you're 14 and should wait until you're ready) so I couldn't tell you what your orientation is. I used to think I was asexual (not interested in sex) until I came to grips with my true sexual identity. That's not to say asexuality isn't a genuine orientation, but it is often a label people use before they know more about their sexual identity. You sound like you derive more comfort from the same sex, so maybe at this stage in your life you are what's called a homoromantic (romantically attached to women) asexual. (no interest in sex) This may change as you get older and learn more about yourself however. I hoped this helped at least a little.
Don't rush to conclusions, it takes some time to figure out your sexuality. I'm very sorry to hear you were abused. Take your time to figure it out. It's certainly not something you realize overnight. Best of luck.
I'm so sorry you were abused as a child, my deepest sympathies. As a women and being sexually abused by a male, it can make one question their sexually because of it, but this doesn't mean that this is the only reason you question your sexuality. It's best if you try and separate the two, even though it may be hard to do so. What really helped me come to terms with my sexuality is this. Clear your mind and picture yourself holding hands with someone, kissing someone, going on dates with someone, buying flowers for someone. Is that a girl or a guy? If it's a girl there's a high chance you could be gay, or even bi. Who you picture yourself marrying? Do you smile when you think of marrying a girl, having kids with a girl, growing old with a girl? Then you are probably gay. I hoped I helped you, at least a little bit, and I hope you are less confused tomorrow than you are today. (*hug*)
Thank you everyone who has replied to this question. I really appriciate your advice and help on the matter. As for the advice given, you all are right, I need to slow down and think this through more. There is no rush, and it is not like it is a race or anything, so thank you for helping me figure that out. (*hug*) 's to everyone who replied.
There is absolutely no rush to label yourself. The biggest mistake you can do is jump to conclusions and miss out on an opportunity. Be open to everything and everyone, and over time you will find out what you like. Also, I wouldn't worry about your sexual preferences right now. You're so young-- I definitely was not thinking about sex when I was 14. Everyone matures at their own pace.
Just let your self like whoever you like, and then see what kind of pattern develops. But if you haven't had any counseling for the abuse, you should look into that too.
