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Confusion with sexuality(at age 26)

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by scorpiontx91, Aug 7, 2018.

  1. scorpiontx91

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    Well I'm 26 pushing 27(I turn 27 on October 29) and I'm still pondering my sexuality. Some instances I think I'm bi, some I think I'm bi curious or just curious about the same sex.

    I haven't had sex with a girl near my age but I have had some fantasies in the past about girls particularly female athletes(e.g. some of the womens gymnasts from the UCLA Womens Gymnastics team, Aly Raisman, Shawn Johnson, Laurie Hernadnez) or maybe a male athlete(some guy gymnast from Univ of Oklahoma named Allan Bower or maybe some college age swimmer guys). I did have some brief sexual fantasy in the past of a close guy friends I knew from the past.

    My only sexual activity I've had in the past was just dry hump/grind with other guys and receiving a hand job. That's it. Nothng past that. Guys on a "hook up app" I use would ask if I would like to try anal or oral but I say no. Sometimes these guys would say that's no problem and respect my decision, or sometimes they block me. It's fine. I'm not interested in doing oral or anal because it's not my thing.

    I feel conflicted with my sexuality due to the fact of my (recent) Christian faith. I've been an active Christian more or less since the fall of 2016. I was in a college ministry called Chi Alpha(you can google them for more info) and now I graduated this past May. I'm now attending church services with the United Methodist Church(UMC) and they a bit more liberal than attending Chi Alpha. They do support equal rights for LGBT people but they are conflicted in terms of same-sex marriage and LGBT pastoral/clergy in the church. They do welcome LGBT people to their church services so that's good. I'm conflicted if it's wrong/sinful to explore my sexuality. I mean I'm trying to find myself during this process. I'm somewhat in the closet with my family, I sure as hell don't want to tell them about this. My mom was raised Catholic and still strong on this despite her knowing gay and lesbian people in their family and from people she's known in her job as a sub teacher or at salon appointments she's had. My dad is somewhat a Christian but doesn't attend church because he has PTSD and somewhat is retired. My dad had a homosexual encounter as a pre-teen in the early 1960s, when a gay teen at a local bakery he worked at, had groped him. I think my dad told his dad(my grandfather) or a relative and that gay teen got threatened or fired or something. My dad isn't gay but he's encountered LGBT people in his life I'll add.
     
  2. Jushin

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    For starters:
    From those sexual activities you had, did you enjoy doing them? Have you asked yourself: "if it was a girl, would I feel the same?"
    But to be certain, during your life, have you had sexual desires with both man and woman? Only man? Only Woman? I think if you find the answer to these questions, it will reveal your sexual orientation.
    Your christian faith is blocking what you really feel. I don't know if it is wrong or right to explore your sexuality when you are christian, but one thing is for sure: you will be denying yourself if you keep blocking your feelings and desires. Don't limit your feelings or what you want to do because of religion. I think the most important thing is finding yourself, accepting yourself and achieve hapiness.
    Hope you can find your answers mate :slight_smile:.
     
  3. questions4ever

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    Hey there!

    Sounds like a whole lot to think about. Personally, it definitely sounds like you have some sexual attraction to other men as I don't know any straight guys who are all good with handjobs. That's for you to explore and figure out yourself.

    Personally, I 1000% believe that religion should never discourage someone from exploring who they truly are. At a biological level, sexuality is very intrinsic. Many Christians will tell you that being gay or pursing sex in general is wrong, but there are also many who disagree. There are plenty of biblical arguments and if you research you can find plenty of detailed explanations on the scriptures in question and why they don't actually mean god hates any sort of gay relationship if that kind of thing is important to you. If it's not important, I would just reassure you that there is no reason you can't be both Christian and gay or bi or whatever you end up discovering about yourself.

    It sounds like your family still kinda views knowing gay people as a big deal rather than being at the point where it's not even worth commenting on? Do you know any lgbt+ people in person? Sometimes meeting with some of lgbt+ folks or finding a group in your areas (and finding friends not just hookups lol) can be a great support.

    Ok hopefully some of that was helpful haha. Feel free to message me!
     
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  4. PatrickUK

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    @scorpiontx91 - did you ever read the information about the Bible and Homosexuality on the GayChurch website that I linked you to? If you didn't here are some links again:
    https://www.gaychurch.org/homosexuality-and-the-bible/the-bible-christianity-and-homosexuality/
    https://www.gaychurch.org/homosexuality-and-the-bible/

    In the first link Reverend Justin Cannon looks in detail at the so called 'clobber passages' that are used against gay people to make us feel sinful and carefully and methodically deconstructs each of them. Take time to read and research what he writes for yourself, because it all makes perfect sense. He is supported in his assessment by some of the worlds leading theologians, but I'm sure you wouldn't have heard anyone at Chi Alpha tell you this.

    Loving and consensual same sex relationships are not condemned in scripture. What scripture condemns is the coercion, subjugation and rape of vulnerable men and boys by more powerful men/forces. More importantly, the narratives provided in scripture are of their time and relate to ancient civilizations with very different standards to the world in which we live and they must be viewed in that context if they are to make any sense at all. Lifting a line or two out of the Bible and debasing what it says to support a personal or political prejudice is more sinful than two men having a private and consensual intimate relationship.

    If you want to explore your sexuality and discover answers, you should do so. From a Christian perspective it would be better to look at building a relationship with another guy instead of having random hook ups with strangers, but the most important consideration is consent, rather than passing judgement, because the Bible does have a lot to say about judgemental attitudes.
     
  5. scorpiontx91

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    I didn't see, my appologizes sir. I am aware of two specific verses in the NT that have been used by the Christian Right against our community Romans 1.24

    "Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonring of their bodies amongthemselves"

    Romans 1.26-.27 "For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature. And the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error."

    And also this one as well

    1 Corr 6.9-.10
    Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

    I recall that Zach(my White evangelical friend in XA) cited those among some scripture last August when he and I started talking about politics.

    He does want me to place myself more in my faith rather than my politics. He tries to do the same and tries to distance himself from things in the Republican Party(US) that are contrary to the Bible. He wants me to do the same with my politics.