Hello, I am a 21 years old and been on two dates in my life, both with guys. Throughout high school I hadn't really had crushes on guys, up until now I've only really had a few guys I really liked and had been interested in dating. I'll notice a handful of cute guys around campus or on TV especially, but I am not really sure if I'm mistaking the fact that they're good looking with attraction. I'm not actually sure what attraction feels like, to be honest. I've never had a moment where I saw a guy in real life and subconsciously wanted to do anything physical with them, although some movie stars make me feel differently. My crushes throughout high school and up until now have been more personality based than attraction based. In high school or middle school I never noticed cute guys when all my friends were busy idolizing them. On the two dates I went on, I was uncomfortable with the guys touching me, or even kissing me. There were no butterflies in my stomach and I was spent the majority of the time just waiting to go home. I don't know how the dates would have gone had I known the guys better and felt more comfortable or had I felt more attraction to them, I had really just agreed to the dates because I felt like I needed to be dating. Had I gone out with a friend or guy I had admired, maybe it would have gone differently. Now that I've questioned the fact that I'm straight, I've been noticing more and more pretty girls around campus and on TV. I feel like my eyes follow a pretty girl more than guys and I feel more drawn to them. Before now, I always would stare at pretty girls or admire them and afterwards I would feel kind of uncomfortable doing so, but I never had a crush on a girl before in high school or even now, I've never had the urge to kiss or touch a girl in an intimate way until the past month, which makes me question if it's a subconscious desire, or just my brain trying to force attraction to make sense of my confusion. So I guess I don't know if this is just a phase I'm going through or if it's actually legitimate. I think if I dated a girl I would be more comfortable with physical contact than I had been on the dates with the guys, but I can't say for sure. Throughout the past year I've been back and forth in my identity "Yes I like guys, no I don't", (for some reason, I had never considered the possibility of liking girls during these back and forth moments) so I don't know if these feelings for girls are permanent or even what I actually am feeling. I guess my problem stems from the fact that I don't know if I'm actually attracted or I just notice guys and girls are good looking. I'll see a guy on campus and admire them, but I don't know if that's attraction or not, I think I would be ok dating or kissing them or more, but I've never subconsciously desired to have sex with them, it has always been a very conscious fantasy. Guys on TV I think I've felt more attraction to than the ones in real life, but if they were here in front of me, I don't know if I'd feel the same way. I catch myself staring at girls a lot, and recently have desired to go further than staring (never with any girl in particular, however), but I'm not sure if that's what I really want as I've never had these feelings before. Can somebody help me make sense of my life please? Thanks for your help!
At first, I thought maybe you could be Asexual, but you say you have been staring at girls and have wanted to go further, but you don't get this with guys. Maybe, you are a Lesbian? Or Bisexual? It all depends on whether or not you would like being with a guy vs. a girl. As for you not knowing if it's what you want as its out of the blue, sometimes people don't find out their sexuality until much later in life. I had a boyfriend who, at first was attracted to me, then 3 months later, he found out he is gay. Sometimes, we tell ourselves that we are one sexuality because it is considered "the norm" and so push away queer feelings. Hope this helps
Thank you for your help. I realize my post is kind of confusing, but it reflects on what's going on in my head. I thought I was asexual for quite a while because I've never looked at anybody and wanted to have sex with them. I could look at somebody and think, "Yes I would have sex with them if the moment came up", but it never is really a desire I organically come to. Does that make sense? I have been noticing more and more girls and thought about going further, but never with any particular girl. I think the idea of a relationship with a girl sounds nice and if I see a pretty girl I can imagine myself being intimate, but I don't really look at someone and say "I want to see them naked". Does this make sense? I'm sorry for being so confusing.
Basically, sexuality isn't as simple as being both physically attracted to someone and emotionally. Homoromantic= Emotionally attracted to same gender Grey-Ace= occasionally get physically attracted (or demisexual, where you get physically attracted once you form a relationship with them)
