Confused With Myself, Need Advice

This is probably gonna be really long, so consider this a "novel ahead" warning.

I'm an 18 y/o male-by-birth and I've been what people would describe as "feminine" for as long as I can remember. I played football throughout middle and high school and hated every minute of it. I've always felt more comfortable in feminine clothes (doubt I'd ever wear a skirt/dress though, I tend to just prefer form-fitting stuff). I've always been the "sensitive kid" and I've always loved the arts. I've been reading a lot lately about androgyny and I seem to fit the bill. However, I don't think I would ever get a sex change, wear makeup beyond minimal concealer, or give myself a classic long women's hairstyle. I want to be able to express my "feminine" side but I don't want to lose touch of my actual biological self. I've been thinking about taking hormones. The thought of that really appeals to me. I could care less about muscle mass and I've always felt like I'd be more comfortable with breasts (feels kinda weird to actually say that, and I know that HRT will only give you slightly larger breasts). But then again I have your classic masculine broad shoulders and rectangle face, so that kinda makes me scared of looking like a guy in drag that's OBVIOUSLY a guy. I really wish it wasn't that way but it's just the hand I was dealt. And plastic surgery is a BIG no.

I've taken a few steps in the right direction though. I've started shaving my legs (which feels amazing), waxing the tropical forest that is my pubic region (sorry if that's TMI but I just feel like that's not something perceived as masculine and I really feel better w/o hair down there), and become a vegetarian (I read somewhere that less meat + more tofu, greens, etc. = more estrogen. Plus other reasons that are irrelevant).

A part of me is really excited to try out new stuff but another is fucking terrified. I couldn't even muster enough courage today to buy a bottle of women's shampoo. I don't get why I can't just walk in and put it on the counter and reasonably explain that I want softer and smoother hair and that it doesn't matter if it's women's shampoo because it's about having soft hair and not being a woman when the cashier gives me a weird look. Also I can't stand to think of telling my parents. They would only be embarrassed and disappointed. They're conservative arguably-fundamentalist Christians that literally switched churches because their old one was gonna start allowing gay marriage. I still remember in 2015 when the court ruling came out and my dad and mom ranted Limbaugh-style for 20 minutes about the moral decline of our country.

This is the first time I've ever told anyone about these thoughts. The closest I've come to stepping out to anyone was when I told my cousin I might just maybe be bi but I'm not really sure because I've never had sex let alone with a man and that it's subject to change as I experience college and that oh wait I guess I'm really just "bi-curious" then. I just feel really weird about all of this and I'm scared at what might happen if people find out. But then again I want to be able to be myself in college and I only have about 2 and a half weeks to sort this shit out. I don't want to make it a big deal either though; this is 100% a personal thing and I could care less about attention and I don't want people to take it the wrong way. I just need some advice from whoever's willing to give it. I'm just going through a lot and I have nowhere else to go.


PS: I could also use some tips on how to get better looking hair. What shampoo/conditioner/whatever to buy, how to get it cut, etc. It's in the medium range ( if I pull it down straight at the front it goes right under my nose) and almost as long in the back and on the sides.