This is my first post here. I've lurked a bit in the past. Anywho. I'm not "out"... but I'm not denying it, I just haven't made it known. I'm in the process of ending my marriage of almost five years. I have three children with this man. He and I are friends, and our divorce is mutual. I'm young, I'm in my early twenties. I've never been in a relationship with another woman during my adult life (I kind of dated this girl in high school, but it was super under wraps and never really went anywhere). Here's the tl;dr...There's this girl I work with. I really like her. She's a lesbian. We've been casual acquaintances up until I'd say... this past May. She has been witty and sarcastic in a playful way. This past month, we've gotten a lot closer and she's been very flirty. For the past two weeks or so, we've been texting daily. It started off with a few texts here and there, but we text for hours sometimes. She has seemingly gone out of her way to be with me a few times. Last week she drove me home, completely out of her way. She was out of town for a few days and came straight from the bus station to grab drinks with another coworker and I after we got off of work. Yesterday, we both got tattoos. She was there to hold my hand. Afterwards we went out to get ice cream, then went back to her place to kill time before a dinner meeting we had later that evening. We watched a movie and sat on the couch, but most of the time we were just talking. We kind of got closer together as we talked more. We were in close proximity of eachother for the remainder of the night, during dinner and afterwards as well.. she does a lot of playfully hitting and bumping, like bumping my elbow off of the table at dinner. I forgot some movies at her house, and she made sure to bring them to me at work with a little sticky note on them. She drew a smiley face on my arm today. She was being snarky and not letting me past her today (we work in a very confined space) so I lightly hip-checked her and it was basically us pressing our bodies against eachother "trying to get past". I ended up accidentally falling because another co-worker bumped me, so this girl gives me a huge hug from behind, and put her cheek on my cheek. My insides literally turned into mush. I feel like I'm in high school all over again. The thing is, I don't know if I'm interpreting things the wrong way because I like her and want this to be a "thing". I feel like I can't ask her if it's a "thing". Back when my soon to be ex was being jealous, she told me (jokingly) to tell him I had a girlfriend named [ her name ]. About two weeks ago, when this was first starting, somehow I mentioned that I dated that girl in high school. So even though I'm not totally "out", she knows I'm not straight. Anyways, I'm just feeling like crap for a few reasons. I have kids, and we're young. And I value my friendship with this girl, she is so awesome. I don't want to lose that. I also don't want to make a fool out of myself, because what if these feelings aren't mutual? I have to admit, I'm thoroughly enjoying flirting. I kind of want to ask her what this all means.. but I'm nervous. I wish there was something I could do to see if she still persists. I've tried not texting her back, and after awhile she'll just send another text. I'm just so confused. I'm also nervous, because she's an experienced lesbian, and well.. I'm anything but! Any kind words, thoughts, etc, are greatly appreciated! :icon_bigg
