Confused about orientation.. if I am lesbian or if it is ocd

Hi. My name is Emilie. i am 26.
So since I was little I remember having crushes on guys. Like I loved kissing with guys. Loved Holding hands. Daydreamed about Them. Then at 5 years Old- 11 my female Peers wanted to try a New game with me where we played mom and dad. In that game we should grind naked against eachother. I remember one of the girls kissed me and I felt tingles. Which confused me because A) I found her disgusting B) I didnt want to kiss her. And Also my heart Said it wasnt the same as kissing guys. But then later I felt pleasure grinding naked physically. I always cried after because I had crushes on guys and thought that meant I couldnt be with Them. We kept doing this because I liked the pleasure I felt being touched Down there. But I stopped wanting to kiss because I didn’t really like it. When I turned 11. I noticed during the grinding that I always thought about How a guy would be aroused. I had to excape Into another character.

I didn’t like being touched by Them. I didn’t like touching their vaginas. I didn’t really want to do oral. After that I stopped doing it. Eventhough more female Peers wanted to experiment. After that my crushes on guys got stronger. I never experimented crushes on girls. I didn’t found myself daydreaming, fantasizing or anything around girls around me. However I started to have a lot of fantasies about grinding naked with women, because my brain had associated that with pleasure. I never really fantasized about anyone particular just the grinding. I felt butterflies, giggles and etc around guys. I didn’t really feel much sexual looking at their bodies. But I really really liked the Idea about making out and petting. Then I started to Watch porn and get arousal for women. The fantasies continued around grinding. I didn’t want to do oral or anything Else.

I don’t feel any urge to lick or do stuff with womens vagina at all. Other than grinding for my own pleasure. Yet the attraction for women never got felt outside of porn. I had female friends trying to kiss me, touch my Butt, flirt with me, grind on the dancefloor and yet I never had a desire to make out or have sex. I always thought about guys. Then at 20. Something in me started to change. I got sexual crushes on guys. I would crush on a guy and think about him sexually later that night. I had a desire to be penetrated. I started to find more guys in movies attractive. And if a sex scene come on I would Also start fantasize about being with him. Male moaning/ facial expressions turns me on alot. I get turned on seeing guys use their Butt during penetration, seeing balls bounce. and just their male energy. Yet I am not sure if I would still get aroused just looking at their bodies. I have had sex with guys. The guy I am seeing now I have had strong romantic feelings. I get turned on pleasing him. Feeling his dick. Seeing him penetrate me. Turned on tongue kissing. I feel tingles touching his dick. And I had some powerful orgasms with him. Yet I still have those fantasies around women from porn or movie actresses. Around my period I have this strong urge to get penetrated by a man. And sometimes I find a guy in class and fantasize about that. Or see a guy behaving sexy in a porn/movie. His actions, voice, face, hands will make me feel things and I will imagine I am with him. I have looked at so many women and dont have any urge to touch Them like that. Or kiss Them. I Also get gag reflex looking at vaginas and their fluids. It is only the grinding aspect and boobs that has been arousing to me. Yet never evolved to real life. However, I should mention I have ocd. And I spend alot of time analyzing, checking attractions and Stuff. Also I always check if I am attracted to women during lockerrooms and stuff. Most of the times I don’t Care But othertimes my analyzing Will give anxiety and groinals.