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Complex situation with friends brother

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ShiftyExtreme, Oct 21, 2017.

  1. ShiftyExtreme

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    So, I'm semi-out.
    At this point its sort of like an open secret, practically half of the people I'm good friends with, but I instruct them not to tell anyone and let me do it, there occasionally will be friends who don't do this, but they just come off as assholes not worth being friends with. I'm not completely open due to the fact that it might change my relationships with all of my guy-friends, currently, I have no boyfriend.
    (Unnecessary context above)

    A new dilemma has occurred.
    I have this friend, I'll call him Connor (not his actual name) and I had a crush on him for a bit, he had blue eyes and nice blondish hair which I was a sucker for, despite his hefty weight, I came out to him(which was a mistake), told him how I felt and he rejected me and told me he was straight, we're still friends but he will sometimes talk about my sexuality out of the blue which I specifically tell him not to, I can't blame him though, he's sorta like that guy, he's weird, outwards and likes to joke a lot, he isn't very good at keeping secrets either.
    (TLDR Connor knows Im gay)

    But one day I saw connors brother carter (which is like the younger but more slim and tall version of him) talking about his crushes to girls, I, despite thinking I shouldn't have, went over to him and asked him "So who is this crush your talking about?" I regretted my decision immediately, he said "You" then laughed and said "wait no, whats your name?" That might not be what he actually said, I sort of didn't remember part of it. And I said "My name is Thomas" he sort of had this nerdy look and calm voice, almost completely opposite to his brother, though first impressions can be deceiving. I walked away sort of trying to process what he said, was he joking? He's probably joking.
    (TLDR Carter seemed like he was gay)

    I went to my woodwork class and saw connor and said "Hey man, your brother carter was talking about his crush, wonder what girl it is" and connor looked suprised "I thought he was ga- I mean he liked men" I cringed at how he said that, though I have told him that saying gay in front of me would trigger me, dont ask, anyways, I responded "What?" and he brought me to a corner and started talking to me "I think carter is into guys" And I wasn't very surprised, I mean my gaydar was going all over the place talking to him the first time, though the accuracy of it is usually 20-30% success. He continued "At home he seemed sort of like he would like guys, and at school too." I was beginning to think he was joking, connor and carter being apparent Christian overlords or something and then connor said "Our mom wouldnt like that very much, do your parents have a problem with you liking dudes?" In like the most sincere, heartwarming way possible, I sort of felt bad for him, So i said "Well, no, not really, I haven't come out to my parents yet, and they're Buddhists they probably wouldnt care, though I dont see a reason to tell them in the first place" And connor nodded his head and said "You're a good man thomas" That made me think a bit.
    (TLDR Connor thinks Carter is gay, Connors mom wouldn't like that too much being a christian)

    So the next day I went over to Carter and he asked me if he could borrow this little toy in my hand, he broke it, and he was honestly expecting me to hit him, which I didn't, not sure why he thought that, instead I gave him a nice warm hug, and he hugged me back, like really hard, carter was surrounded by girls and they all just stared at us, I mean it was only a bro-hug right? And so we started to talk, my classroom was watching moana on friday at the time so that gave us some chit chat time.
    I began with "So you're brother, whats he like at home?" and carter responded "Connor is annoying, so whenever he's annoying I slap him" and I said "What? Like, how does your mom react to that? haha" And he said "She just sends us to our rooms" and I stared at him for a second, when i moved it was sort of like a shaky movement that happens when you're really nervous, and I said "Connor tells me stuff about you" and he said "Like what?" and I just replied with a "Like how you're a dick to him all the time, but I guess theres 2 sides to every story" keep in mind that This was in homeroom, I have a different class in homeroom. Carter gets up saying that he needs to go to the washroom and when he did a couple of people in the class say "Carter your brother tells everyone your gay or something, that isnt true right?" Carter and me both froze, and then I think Carter said something, I couldnt tell what he said though, or if he said anything.

    And then the bell rang, and I sort of walked home.
    Not sure what I should do now, but I have an entire weekend to think it out.
    : /
     
    #1 ShiftyExtreme, Oct 21, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2017
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  2. Billy the kid

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    Well you could tell him that you heard what those girls asked him in class and then tell him that if he is gay that you are totally fine with that. It wouldn't change the way that you think of him one bit. In fact you would respect him even more for his courage and the fact that he can be true to himself. You could then tell him I respect you because I'm gay too. Or something like that. Just be there for him as a friend. You may regret it if you are crushing on him right off the bat. You also are friends with his brother. Just be friends for now. I mean you could have great conversations with him and have fun checking out hot guys together. I mean if you hit it off that's fine but discuss things first. Hey, I hope everything goes alright with you guys. Good Luck!!! :slight_smile:
     
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  3. ShiftyExtreme

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    Thanks, though asking could be tough. I'll try the best this week.
    I'll update when something happens.

    Do you think I can actually hit it off? I mean, I'm friends with his brother and everything, which can make it a bit weird.
    He is also a year younger than me according to his brother.
    Again, thanks.
     
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  4. Quantumreality

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    Hey ShiftyExtreme,

    I would say that you are probably jumping the gun.

    First of all, you are ASSUMING that Carter is gay. Until/unless he is ready to be open about it, assuming, for the sake of argument that he IS Gay, it's not your call nor your right to involuntarily Out him.

    Second, even if he is Gay or even Bi, why would you assume that he might like you 'that way'? I mean c'mon, just because we have attractions to some people because of their gender, it certainly DOESN'T mean that we have attractions to all people of that/those gender(s). Noone is attracted to everyone else.

    So, I would ask you: Why are you attracted to Carter? Is it a simple physical attraction?

    And, if you don't mind my asking, how old are you?
     
  5. Billy the kid

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    I think just being friends with him is alright. I mean you are friends with his brother first and foremost. You really don't know if he's gay. Quantumreality has some good points. If he wants to come out to you he will. just tell him you can tell me anything you want and that you're a pretty understanding guy. Be sincere and trusting and honest. You could come out to him and see how that goes. I hope you have a good day dude. :slight_smile:
     
  6. ShiftyExtreme

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    Hey quantum reality
    Let me address some of your points
    I would NOT out him involuntarily, as I would be a hypocrite, with me telling my friends not too.
    Also knowing that his mom wouldnt like it too much, I would keep it on the down low.
    Though my efforts would probably be in vain since connor spreads rumors about his brother like wildfire.

    I am attracted to him for various factors
    Sure he is a bit scrawny but he has beautiful blue eyes, these glasses, a nice calming voice, and has to deal with connor everyday at home, which I also have to do every schoolday, making guesses from how connor is everyday, if he has to deal with connor than he is definitely boyfriend material.
    I don't really want to have sex until I'm mature enough to handle the possible outcomes, which im not.
    I'm thinking like a sort of close touchy relationship, you know, middle school stuff.

    If he isn't attracted to me, cool, we can be friends, I mean 2 gay guys can be friends right? It would be nice having someone who can relate to me
    and also Im 13, doesnt it say on my profile?

    Thanks for replying :boy:
     
  7. ShiftyExtreme

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    So some new developments.
    I sat down in front of carter and got out my banana.
    It was break time btw.
    I stuck the banana in his face and said
    "Hands up, or I will shoot"
    and he started stroking my banana,
    just wanted to share that with you first, seemed funny to me :3
    anyways, we talked for a bit, turns out connor and carter sort of hate each other.
    It's actually sort of cute when they fight.
    But connor began telling me carter likes me.
    carter heard him but didn't necessarily deny it but he didn't confirm it either.
    After break and when lunch started, I would see him in the hallway, I wanted to talk to him so bad but didnt, like there was something holding me back, he looks at me too, but doesnt interact with me like he's going through the same thing.

    Am I processing this right or should I cut it off before I embarass myself?
     
  8. Quantumreality

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    Hey ShiftyExtreme,

    I think you're on the right track when your focus is mainly just on becoming friends with him for now.

    Carter may just like you as a friend. He may look up to you. You said that Carter is younger than Connor. How old is Carter?
     
  9. ShiftyExtreme

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    ehh, about 12, 7th grade, but like a foot taller than me for some reason lol

    Today, I went to talk to him, but for some reason I felt nervous, usually I can go up to a whole group of people and introduce myself, but Im nervous when approaching him now.
    He seems to be the same.
     
    #9 ShiftyExtreme, Oct 26, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2017
  10. Quantumreality

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    Well, just try to focus on friendship for now and see how things go.
     
  11. Billy the kid

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    You're doing fine, just like QuantumReality says try to focus on being friends. Find out if you have similar hobbies or common interests that you can talk about. Good Luck !!!
    :slight_smile:
     
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  12. ShiftyExtreme

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    Welpity.

    I've seemed to have lost all communication with him.
    I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said "Yeah, I got her a few days before i met you"
    And from there i sort of drifted away from him. He still sort of looks at me sometimes wierdly.
    *sigh* I still cant cut the feeling he's gay though.
    Either hes an ultimate straighty or a total closet case.
     
  13. Quantumreality

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    Hey ShiftyExtreme,

    It still sounds like he likes you as a friend. Just not as a potential boyfriend. You said that you drifted away from him. Is there some reason that you decided that you couldn't just be friends with him? You said in an earlier post that you would be fine with just being friends with Carter. Could part of the reason that he looks at you weirdly is that he's left wondering what he did to make you become distant/turn a cold shoulder to him?

    He could still be straight, gay or bi. He may just not yet understand his sexuality yet and/or he may not yet be comfortable with it. If that's the case, he has to figure that out for himself at his own pace.
     
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  14. ShiftyExtreme

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    I would love to talk to him.
    But whenever I do, I can't move my body at all.
    And even when i can, when i get up to him, I dont know what to see anything.
    I would studder "H- Hi your um pants, cool pant *WHEEZE* hi there"
    And he would have a delayed nervous response but Im left to sitting down again.

    Whenever me and him cross each other though, we say hi to each other, but when hes nearby to me, he does not move an inch near him, and neither do I. Its like some sort of mutual freeze, not allowing me to talk to him, so I've avoided it.
    There seems to be no reason for me to be freezing up like that, but my feet just cant leave the ground.