hello! im in a bit of a strange situation.. so, most of my close friends are part of the lgbtq+ community, but they think im straight. and every time the topic of sexuality gets brought up, they always start talking about how im the “token straight” and that how i look and act really straight. i know that if i were to come out to them they’d be so accepting (obv) but at the same time, it’s like i have a reputation of being straight?? like they talk about it so much that it’s literally my whole identity to them.. idk i guess i’m just scared of saying anything because it’ll change the whole dynamic of the friendship. any advice is much appreciated!!
Hello, @rachelamber! Unfortunately, this does seem to be a common issue for many people, bisexuals especially--be they closeted or in a relationship with the opposite sex (or having a history of being exclusively with opposite sex partners). I think the important thing to consider is: are you ready to come out? The decision has to be about you and how you feel, not about whether you feel you have to tell others. Even among other LGBT people, coming out can be difficult, because there's always a chance they won't be as accepting as we hope. I don't say this to deter you, but to help you make an informed decision regarding your own situation. For instance, are there other bisexuals in this friend group? If so, how did they handle coming out, and how did the rest of the friend group react? Whether there are other bisexuals or not, another angle to consider is: which of your friends do you feel closest to? Perhaps you can start with them, and go from there? Remember, the dynamic may change--in all likelihood, it will--but that change should be for the better. Friends want the best for each other, so coming out should be about being your full self and in the long run, being happier. Hiding part of ourselves can weigh heavily over time, and while there will always be aspects of ourselves others don't know about, it seems to me that this is one you shouldn't have to hide. But like I said, you're not obligated to come out, either. Take some time to reflect on what you want, what makes you happy and what hinders you, and hopefully then you'll have your answer.
thank u sm! yea i guess my main motivator for coming out is just desperation to feel like my authentic self?? i just feel like there’s something stopping me from being happy the way everyone else is, and that maybe if i were to come out i’d be able to feel more free and sure of myself. that makes me feel a lot better, thanks there aren’t any other bisexuals, but they’re all super welcoming and accepting of everyone. my family is a different story HAHAHA but they’re my closest friends and they only want what’s best for me, so even if the dynamic does change, it will hopefully be a stronger and more authentic connection!
Sounds to me like you're ready (or at least, almost ready) to come out, then. It really can make a huge impact on how we feel and how we view ourselves; I get a strong sense that if/when you do, you will be a lot happier (and it will help you work through other psychological obstacles, as well). No problem, I'm happy to help wherever I can. Take however much time you need to decide how/when you want to come out, and whatever happens, good or ill, we'll be here for you.
I can understand where you are coming from. I'm in a similar situation in that I came out to a lot of people in my early twenties as being lesbian. It's been the past few years that I've realized my sexuality is more fluid and I'd say I'm more bisexual than anything. I was dating a guy for a short time, and I always had this feeling when we were together that my friends may have thought that I was going back on my word of being gay and that it would look bad on me, for whatever reason. So, I would feel uncomfortable telling them that I had met this guy I really liked and we were seeing each other. My friends reactions were positive, and they'd just say they wanted me to be happy. So, I think it may be something that tends to affect us more than our friends because if they were true friends they would just want happiness for us. I think that's why, for myself, I don't really like to label myself anymore. I don't have issues with other people doing it, but for me I just say that I'm fluid. I try not to put myself into a box.
