Coming out via email or text

I came out to a few people in person, and only one through text. I think, at least for me, it felt strange either way but easier at the same time, it usually alternates between the two depending. Not sure if that makes sense but thats how I experience it.

 

I'm still kinda partway through coming out and have done it both over text/Facebook messenger and part in person. I feel like it's situational and there's pros and cons.

Pros:

• I can come out with people who are geographically far away. Especially very early on, that was huge to get support from people I couldn't be with in person.
• It's nice if it's someone I just want to give the news to, but don't want to have an extensive conversation with.
• It lets the person pick and choose their words carefully, which is good for people I'm less close with and am not as worried about the raw reaction from.

Cons:

• When it's been someone I really did want to have an in depth conversation with, it stinks. You get delays and you can't see each other's faces. Plus, it makes it awkward to say anything in any depth.
• There's something amazing about telling someone close to you and them having a really warm, supportive reaction. To be able to see smiles and exchange hugs.
• I had at least one friend whose words were supportive but face and follow on conversation told another story. Turns out she's a little on the homophobic side. For my own mental health right now, I needed to know that so I can manage my interactions with her accordingly until I'm a little more established and confident in this and not so easily knocked down.

For me, it's just depended on the situation. As far as seeing them later, with friends and family it's been fine. There's one ex-coworker that it may or may not be weird with, but I rarely see her. It hasn't happened yet. It just makes it where there's a new understanding there for the most part.

 

I came out by text to my mother. I know that most people seem to think that’s not a good idea, and I know I maybe should have told her in person, but I just was too nervous. I wouldn’t say I regret doing it, it was nice to have it kinda taken care of so to speak, but sometimes I still feel like I haven’t really done it because in my case my coming out was a bit vague. I tried to keep it very simple and avoided using labels by personal choice, but I also sometimes still wonder if my mom truly gets it. I sent my text when she was out of the house one day and she responded fairly quickly and said she loved me and that “she knew.” Which surprised me. I then had to wait the whole afternoon for her to come home though to see her face in person after having given her the news. She ended up getting home late and my dad was already there, (and I’m not out to him yet) so we basically never really talked about. We basically acted like everything was normal, which was great even though there was a trifle bit of awkwardness because I knew that she knew you know? The only problem I have now is we just don’t talk about this, which even though it prevented it from being a big deal, it also has made it feel like I’m walking around on egg shells. I don’t feel “out” even though I wish I was. I still basically feel like I’m in the closet. This is probably my own fault though. The only time she has ever brought it up was when I posted something on social media and she advised me to remove it so people wouldn’t see it. And after that I’ve been so nervous I can’t even really talk about it with her at all. This is only my experience though and for a lot of people this works. I wouldn’t say it didn’t work in my case I just still have a lot of work to do in bridging this communication gap I feel like I have with my mother.

 

Everyone has their own preferences of what works for them. I've come out to people in person and over text, probably more over text, though.

When I came out to most (all?) of my friends in middle/high school it was by text. Don't ask me why, that just seemed easiest for me. It was kind of weird for me those years because I, for some reason, never hung out with anyone outside of school. I had friends, but we never really hung out. So in those cases texting was easiest. I had incredibly supportive friends, so I really had no issues or awkwardness seeing them in school, but we never really talked about my sexuality in person.

I came out to my immediate family over text. I have a whole long thread about it that I'll just sum up quick: went to see Love, Simon with a friend, felt inspired after the movie, sent a long text to the family group chat, it went well, supportive texts from all. It only dawned on me after that my sister's birthday was in three days and I would see them all then. It wasn't really awkward (I felt weird but they acted normal), and we kind of just kept things normal, but now I feel more open, even if I don't talk about my sexuality with them. I mostly chose text for them because I have a super weird relationship with my family and I was also at school at that moment.

Admittedly the times I've come out in person have felt the most liberating. I did sporadically with a few friends and then at one point on a coming out panel for my coworkers. It felt good and very freeing to verbally say it.

So to answer your questions:

• It did feel somewhat strange when I saw those people in person, but only on my end. If you come out to the right people, they will not care and they won't show it. If you're comfortable coming out and they are supportive, that weirdness should easily go away.
• It was significantly easier to type it than say it out loud for me. However, I also feel like there was a part of me that still felt like texting it was somehow less real than if I verbally said it. The first time I verbally said it it was like a weight was lifted...and that was in college. I've been coming out to friends via text since middle school.