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Coming out to roommates?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by LukasNYC, Jan 8, 2018.

  1. LukasNYC

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    I recently moved in a new apartment with two male friends. I already knew them before moving there. They are close friends. I asked them to move there when I found out that there was a vacant room. I would like to come out as gay to them. However, I am afraid of what they could think. I could have say something before moving in, but I preferred to wait. Now I am worried that they don't like the fact that I didn't tell them before moving in. What do you think? Is a legitimate fear or is just something that is my mind? Thanks.
     
  2. LunaMare

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    I understand your fear for a 100%. I came out to my roommates a few months ago. I've been living with my roommates for more than 2 years now and we have become very close friends. I didn't really know that I wasn't as straight as I thought/hoped when we moved in together. I went trough the whole realisation process while living here (although I did kind of knew before) so when I wanted to tell them 2 years later I was afraid they would see me completely differently and it would change things, wouldn't feel compfortable around the house or feel weird about me hidding this from them.

    Of course I don't know your friends but when I finally told them they where so happy that I did and nothing changed at all, apart from the fact that I can be honest and free to do whatever I want without having to do it behind their back, which can be difficult with roommates depending on how close you are. I haven't regretted telling them for a second and they understood why I haden't talked about this sooner.

    Do you know if your friends are supporting of the lgbt community? If you don't, maybe you can try in find out and ask them some questions. If you fear they might want you to move out and you have no place to go then of course it's better to say nothing but normally/hopefully if they are your friends that wouldn't happen. If you feel ready and you want to tell them, I'd say go for it. The longer you wait, the more uncomfortable it will become to tell them because you will have been hiding it for longer. If they really are your friends, they'll understand and you'll have some more people to support you
     
  3. Niagara

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    I don't think they would be mad that you didn't tell them before moving in with them, and if you guys are good friends they probably won't mind that you are gay even if they generally aren't ok with gay stuff usually.
     
  4. LukasNYC

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    Thanks for the answer! It is nice to see that others were in my situation.

    I understand. I am happy you already came out to them and you didn't regret. I hope the same for me.

    I think they are. They are very open minded. The only thing that I find very weird is that... you know... bringing someone at home. I feel like that they didn't have the possibility to choose before having me as roommate. I would feel bad if they are uncomfortable with that.

    Thank you for the answer! Yes. I agree. But I find it wrong not having told this before. I was still not sure 100% though.
     
    #4 LukasNYC, Jan 13, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2018
  5. Glitters

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    I think you should tell them, sooner rather than later. They're your friends, right? You even asked them to be your roommates. That means something. Your friendship is valuable. It's clear you care about them and their opinions. I have confidence that it'll go a lot better than what you think. They will understand you waiting until now to tell them. Good luck!
     
  6. BosiMalkia

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    Obviously telling them before you moved in would of been ideal, but at this point Everyone is already moved in so I doubt everyone wants to try and re look for places. Even if they did have a problem, you kind of already forced their hand. They are your close friends so they should have no problem that your gay or they might already know. No fear. If being gay is a big thing for you, it will be for them. If being gay is fearful, it will be to them. Just let them know you like guys and you will have someover but you will always be resectful as a roommate.
     
  7. LunaMare

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    I see what you mean. As long as you are a respectable roommate like BosiMalkia says, I think it sould be fine. Sure they shouldn't have to hear your personal business (although that also really depends on what they are like when it comes to bringing girls home) but you having a guy over shouldn't have to be a problem, they might even be happy to see you being happy and getting to date people. I haven't brought a girl home yet and I know that the first time will be an awkward and uncomfortable situation for me because it's just new but eventually everything will be fine. I felt really awkward the first time I told them I was going to be out because I had a date with a girl. All these things are kind of 'milestones' but it feels really good to pass them, move on, and eventually get used to it. and btw I think you'll probably be more uncomfortable with it at the beginning than they actually are. Turns out it's a much bigger deal to us than to them :wink:
     
    #7 LunaMare, Jan 14, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2018