Hi all, So today, I've just started my relationship with the sweetest guy I've ever met. He makes me feel things that I honestly haven't felt for at least 3 years. However, he wants me to be totally honest and that includes telling my parents about him. As much as I want to, I am just seriously so afraid of what they'll do... I have told him previously that I don't do well in stressful situations, and that if I were to tell them, I'd want him here with me in case anything were to go wrong :tears: If anyone has any advice on how to help, please share as I'm looking for whatever can help Thank you
Hey Doctorlysomethn, So, first, did he agree to be there with you if/when you Come Out to your parents? What exactly are you afraid your parents might do? How dependent are you currently on your parents?
Hey Quantumreality, After a bit of pleading because I know I'd be a total mess, he's agreed to And I'm currently afraid that they'd disown me because they are both not big fans of the LGBT community (which is funny because I'm bi and my cousin is trans) And I am pretty dependent on them, like without their help I wouldn't have a place for my cat to stay, I wouldn't be able to afford my rent, and I'm worried they'd freeze my savings so I'd have no access to any money whatsoever
Hey Doctorlysomethn, That's great that he has agreed to support you directly like that. It's somewhat disturbing that you had to cajole him into it. Especially since HE is the one that set Coming Out as condition. Now, I would be of his same general mindset in the sense that I don't really care to date guys that are in the closet. In effect, it drags the open member of the relationship back into the closet to a degree, which is really uncomfortable. Having said that, I would ask you to try to really weigh your options right now. Is being with him worth potentially being disowned and destitute - or even dependent on him, assuming he's willing to support you until you can get on your own feet? How significant is the possibility, in your honest opinion, that your parents would really disown you simply because you are Bi and have a boyfriend?
If they are your savings shouldn't you be able to move them into an account you create now that their name is not on? Because they have no right to any of your earned money after you turn 18 (and your profile says you are 22). But, if you still rely on them for rent them it is probably necessary to not do anything that could legitimately lead to them stopping supporting you. If you are not going to school or if you are and still can while doing well, I would also recommend getting some form of job, to increase the amount of savings you have in case something happens and your parents refuse to or are no longer able to support you for any reason (not limited to your sexuality).
Up until very recently, I always maintained I'd never come out unless my parents explicitly asked me (and in a non-hostile way at that). I get along well with both parents and love them very much, but sadly we've never had the kind of relationship where we're comfortable talking about really personal stuff with each other and I know it's a conversation that would disappoint both of them and almost certainly make my mom cry which I never want to see again. That changed a little less than a year ago as I got to know this absolutely incredible boy. I even explained this position to him pretty forcefully, but a couple nights later I was lying in bed and realized I was slightly off. It's still not something that I think I'll ever do at this point, but if he felt the same way about me as I feel about him, I would do it, simply because I would not be willing to lose him over that. If he wanted to be with me, he would be the only person who could take that away from me and I would do everything I can to make that work. Granted, I would still be deathly afraid of that conversation and probably wouldn't do it in the "ideal" way. Like you, I'd want to have him by my side, and would probably do it in writing via email with him next to me support since I would be a total mess. How you do it doesn't really matter though as long as it gets done. I think it's a good thing, not only for you as an individual, but the two of you as a couple. If this guy has a real chance to be the most important person in your life, you want to be able to share that with the people you're close to, not hide it. Good luck! I hope you're able to push yourself through this and have it go well.
