Hey everyone! So I'm seriously contemplating coming out to my parents soon, and I was just wondering if anyone had any advice for me in preparation to this? I haven't really settled for a label yet, but I'm pretty sure I'm at least mostly gay (there's still that frustrating doubt that lingers around whether I could ever be happy with a guy), but I feel like I need to come out to my folks very soon as them not knowing why I've been so distant from them is causing more pain to me than is healthy. And I hate having to hide my moments of anguish and panic from them as I try to accept myself. I feel like I won't be able to cope with waiting until I am sure what my 'label' is. I still live at home, and I'm about 91% sure they wouldn't hate me and would still love me. I'm also about 91% sure it wouldn't be entirely smooth sailing though either. However, if worse comes to worse, I do have a place to stay if things go south, and a bit of income as well to keep me afloat. So, any advice?
I would say that you would take some LGBT trend, see their reaction and tell them. If they are LGBT-friendly, or if they accept LGBT as a whole, then you're safe. And if anything goes bad, EC is here for you ! (&&&)
Hi Sunnyskies, That is a tough situation that almost all of us in the LGBTQ community face at some point. There is usually a point, as we question, then try to understand, then come to terms, and, finally, accept our unique sexuality that we grow distant from family and sometimes even friends. Many people wait until they are comfortable with themselves before coming out to their parents. Parents can be the hardest to talk to about this stuff because just talking about sex with them us usually very tough and embarrassing, let alone telling them that you are not heterosexual. Since it sounds like you are very concerned right now with the hurt you may be putting on them by being more distant than you used to be and you want to come out to them, maybe you should be even more frank and let them know that you are struggling with your sexual identity instead of labeling yourself (gay, bisexual, etc) right now. If you don't want them to be proactive in trying to 'help' you with this - assuming that you think they might try to get you counseling or sign you up for support groups, etc that THEY think you need, as opposed to what you WANT to do - you should probably make it crystal clear that you are explaining this to them because you want them to know why you've been so distant and really want their love, understanding, and moral support, but, as for the actual issue of your sexual identity, that is something you need to work out for yourself. (Again, IF that is how you feel.) I also imagine that it is far less likely that the 9% chance that they would disown would happen if you did this in such a manner that you were asking them like this. Plus, it would give them a chance to come to terms with the idea so that when you do finally understand and accept your own sexual identity, it shouldn't be such a big deal for them to hear and accept it. Juut some ideas. I hope this helps a little.
I came out to my mum today! I too still have doubts but decided I couldn't be stuck inside my head in pain any longer. I was unable to sleep, crying at 3am and decided it couldn't go on any longer, it's not a way to live. I had tried many times to bring it up, had gone off food for 2 days, not slept and felt sick. I'm going away tomorrow and decided to write a letter which I handed her just before I left the house to go on a run. And then when I got back we went on a long walk as she had so many questions. Part of my letter which could useful: "After years of questioning I am still not 100% sure and I cannot label my sexuality. You know how much of an over thinker I am and I didn’t want to tell you until I was completely certain, but I realised that would mean waiting forever. What I do know is that it hasn’t gone away, and it never will."
