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Coming out to my online group

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by CuriousArticles, Jun 16, 2021.

  1. CuriousArticles

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    So...I have a gaming group that is only online now as we've all moved away ton different continents/cities. They are all amazing, different and accepting. As we do RPGs everyone is pretty comfortable with LGBT+ stuff; of them played a lesbian character before, and another currently has a non-binary bisexual character. Many of us swap genders comfortably in games and stuff. But we've never actually talked about our own gender identities/ sexualities. I've always been scared to broach it and the personal level has never come up or really mattered.

    A guy joined our group last year who is awesome. As we are only online I've never actually met him or spoken to him alone. He moved his camera the other day and he had pride flags up, including the bi flag I think. I've also clocked his rainbow watchstrap, which he acknowledged and said "Represent!" So yeah. Totally missed my opportunity to come out just then....

    I've now made a patch for my game bag with the bi flag on a D20. But I know I'll chicken out of sharing.

    I feel like it's a super safe space to come out....but why can't I? How do I do that? Ugh.
     
  2. Ram90

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    Is there a way you can meet them online separately, away from the rest of your group? Perhaps you'll feel more comfortable coming out to them alone? If the feeling of coming out to the entire group is something that is not easy at the moment.
     
  3. quebec

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    CuriousArticles.....Do you have the email addresses of your friends? If so, you might want to consider using a letter to come out to your friends. Coming out in writing means you will not be interrupted or face a barrage of questions that you need to answer immediately, in the heat of the moment. You get time and they get time too and that counts for a lot. There are some great sample coming out letters here on empty closets that could be a big help to you. Even if you don't eventually use the letter, taking the time to think about it and to write one will help you to be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! An additional plus to a letter is that you won't be present when the letter is read. Again, that can be a very big help as it eliminates the potential face-to-face confrontation (on screen or in person) that can easily go bad. It gives the people reading the letter some time to think before they talk to you. After all, you've had time to think about your sexuality...giving them some time to think about it too only seems fair! Check the letters out (see below)...they could be a real help!

    *****Also...when you do come out, whether it's tomorrow or a year from now, your friends will probably have questions. Take some time now to think about what those questions might be. Such as; "How do you know you are bisexual?" or "How long have you felt this way?" etc. The questions themselves will vary a great deal depending upon your friends...so take that into consideration. If you work up a list of five or so questions with the answers already planned, you will be perceived as a more serious person.

    *****COMING OUT LETTERS: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out-letters.php

    *****Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you!

    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  4. CuriousArticles

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    It'd be a bit odd having a one on one with him as he's a friend of the other friends from over in the USA (I'm in the UK). I could broach it over chat sometime though...but I think that might be more intimidating!

    God, I'm making such a big deal out of this. It's not like I've not come out to other people. It's probably going to be a complete non-event when I do because they're all fine with this stuff. I can't imagine any of them having questions even.

    A letter feels awfully formal. I guess I just want them to know without making a thing of it but...I feel like with the last friends I came out to it sort of got forgotten, particularly as I'm in a long term relationship (genuinely had to come out to 2 friends twice) and is like this thing I can't mention. I don't want that again...but I don't want it to be a big deal either.
     
  5. I'm gay

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    I think you're just going to have to summon that extra bit of courage and do it. Since you already know this group will accept you, the only thing blocking you is your own fears. You can overcome that fear, you've done it before by coming out to others already.