I'm out to several friends now, but I have three more friends in my "circle" that I have to come out to still, and I've been feeling that urge and that pressure to do so pretty strongly, lately. I know they are going to accept me and I am getting tired of holding myself back. These three are friends I don't really ever see one-on-one, however, nor are they great at "serious" conversations, so I have been thinking it would be easiest just to tell them all in a group. Therein lies the rub, however. I am extremely shy and dislike having a lot of attention on myself. I have no idea how to get all of their attention and make this announcement to all of them. The other friends I've come out to I've come out to one on one, and told them ahead of time I needed to talk about something, and they had to really push me to get me to say what was on my mind. I have been thinking about sending a group facebook message with a coming out letter so that I can just write out my thoughts and send it. This would obviously be much much easier, but I'm not sure if it's going to be as beneficial to me. I've spoken to one friend I am out to already, AC, and she seems to think it would be better for me to try to come out to them in person. I am inclined to agree with her, as I feel like it seems more rewarding and the reactions are more immediate and personal. I just honestly am not sure I'll be able to do this without losing the will to speak.. I guess to get to the point, how do others feel about coming out via a message vs. coming out face to face? If you've done so in a message or letter did you later regret it and wish you'd done it in person? Or did that work out just as well for you? Also, any tips on how to come out to a group of people?
I've done both. It depends on how many people you want to come out to at once and how you think they'll respond. I sent a mass email to my aunts and uncles because I wanted them all to know at once, and I also didn't want to have to have a long conversation with all of them. It worked perfectly.
I'd say it's better to tell your close friends in person (or via Skype where you can see each other's faces) as opposed to via a Facebook message or an email. I'm sure there is a place for letters and emails but yeah, face to face is best for close friends. But I'm not the best person to give coming out advice at the moment.
Thanks for the responses, guys. So it's just three people... I have a group of five friends and I've come out to two of them so far, they're the two I'm closest to in the group. Ideally if I come out in person to the rest I'd have those two there as well, so perhaps I could get one of them to prompt me if I feel like that's something that'll be needed. It just comes with a few practical issues.. one is that it can be hard to get everyone all together at once. We tend to have weekly meetups where we hangout and do something and whoever can come does and whoever can't doesn't. Two is that with the holidays approaching it may be more difficult than usual to get everyone together because people will be going out of town and such. So I'm debating a lot in my mind if I want to try to get it over with before I go away, myself, or if I should just wait until after Christmas. Three is that I have social anxiety and there is a likelihood of me freezing up or losing the ability to vocalize. This happened to me when I tried to come out to my first friend and she had to end up guessing what I was trying to tell her (which I was quite thankful for!) Then on the other hand, if I send a message it might not be as liberating feeling, I suppose. I also will have to wait awhile for responses, and have to make sure that everyone sees it and also that no one who isn't supposed to see it does. And, it'll still be awkward whenever I next see them. I suppose it's obvious the message thing seems much easier. But if I can figure out the "logistics" of coming out to the group in person that would be preferable, I guess? ---------- Post added 29th Nov 2014 at 08:51 AM ---------- I.. am probably over thinking this (as I do). I think I need to find out when everyone is leaving for the holidays and decide if I'll be ready before then or not. And if I decide I am I can either send a letter via message, or tell them I need to tell them something next time it seems like we can all get together and get one of the friends I'm out to to help me make sure I speak up.
I can understand that rounding everyone up closer to holidays is difficult. And I can also understand the social anxiety. It is very liberating when you do it in person so please don't give that up as an option. My suggestion, keep your letter handy. In case you freeze up, you can still get your point across and get their reaction in real time.
Yeah, that is a good suggestion, thanks. I had written short letters to my other friends before I came out to them, as well, and kept them handy, though I didn't end up using them (the first time I was so nervous I forgot, haha. The other times fortunately I didn't need it). I can definitely do the same with the group.
I've come out to people in person, except for my parents, whom I came out to in a letter. Even though I didn't exactly come out to their face, I got to talk with them not too long afterwards and see their reactions after they had time to let it sink in a bit. I'm super shy so this way was much easier for me.
Thanks for your response, YuriCore. I have to say I admire you for being able to come out to so many people at such a young age, it's very impressive . If I come out to my friends in a message I will try to see them after to talk it through, too.
I did both. I told everyone in my life who was close to me either in person, or over the phone (not easy, but rewarding) and then came out on a facebook status a year later. Both were liberating, and FB made it easier to tell my extended family who I don't see terribly often. Either way you do it, you'll be out, which is ultimately the goal right? Good luck, The Seeker
I did it! I ended up sending a message to them with a letter I'd written. They all responded positively and were supportive . My friend SC was even extra awesome and she came over and helped me through it when I sent it to the rest of them (I was out to her already). At least at the moment I don't regret telling them that way, I feel like I was able to explain things a lot more clearly in writing than I would have being half-frozen with fear in the whole group.
