Coming out late in life

Hi, everyone. This is my first post, although I've been reading through the forums here for a while. I've come here for advice, but first just want to introduce myself. I've just begun to come out, late in life. It's gone as well as it could so far. I have a small number of friends, and we recently got together (they all live out of state). I'd decided I wanted to first come out to my best and oldest friend. My friend was totally surprised but completely supportive. I didn't expect to tell anyone else, because I wanted to tell each one privately, and didn't think I'd have the opportunity. But as it turned out, I was able to get some time alone with each of my friends, and they were all completely supportive as well. I'm very lucky because I had no fear of a negative reaction from any of them, and I wasn't surprised, they were all very supportive.

But I was surprised by my own reaction to having come out. I felt such an incredible relief. It sounds cliché, but I actually did feel like a huge burden had been lifted. I realize now how bad not being completely honest with my friends about myself made me feel. I opened up and revealed what was really going on with me, disclosing things I felt embarrassed or ashamed about. Strangely, opening up made me feel strong, even courageous, things I usually don't feel about myself.

Being gay isn't what I was embarrassed or ashamed about. As I mentioned, I'm coming out late in life -- in my 60s. Up until recently I was genuinely confused about my sexuality, not totally convinced until now I was gay. This confusion prevented me from even dating, much less forming a relationship. (THAT is what I'm embarrassed and ashamed of.) I also tend to be insecure, lacking in confidence, and very fearful of failure, which don't help. I really don't understand how I was able to muddle through life without being in relationships, but I did. I guess the personal interactions with my co-workers on the job were enough for me to get by. But now I'm retired, and I find myself bored and lonely, and maybe depressed, and don't want to spend the rest of my life like this.

So this is what's brought me to EC. I really don't know where to go from here, or how to get there. I just intended this to be an introduction, and I've written more than I intended, so I'll post more specific questions later in the Later in Life forum.

Thanks for reading!