So the recent Anon post on trans issues was me. If you don't know what I'm talking about, Click Me! Anyway, for those of you who havent seen it or dont know exactly why I'm making this post, heres a quick rundown. About a year ago I started to get really freaked out because I didn't feel like I was female, and only at that time was the possibility of being something outside of the gender binary even an idea or an option. Needless to say I was scared senseless and went to see someone at a local-ish support group for LGBTQ teens and early twentysomethings, but it didnt help much. I was so confused and at a loss that i didn't really say anything. As time went on I felt progressively less and less comfortable being seen as female. I would frequently look down at myself and long for a flat chest, when I imagine myself with a woman I always want to be the dominating role/"top" even though my actual personality is really quiet and submissive. Then a few days ago it hit me like a brick in the face: Fuck. I'm transgender. It was like, that self realization and combined fear and relief that I seemed to be lacking when I figured out that I like girls. I'm releived that I have an answer to this seeming never-ending awkwardness, but I'm also pretty petrified. I've told two online friends who ive never even met in real life. I told them first because obviously I trust them, I do love these friends and the bonus of them being long-distance is that if they slip up and tell someone, at least my family, friends and work friends won't find out. The support from these two people have been amazing and I don't think I could have gotten through these past 2 days without it. And now I'm kinda worried and scared. What do I do now? How do I transition and not lose my family, friends or job? What surgeries do I want/not want? Do I want hormone therapy? How will my girlfriend take this? Where do I start? The biggest problem is that unlike with my sexuality, the FTM thing will most likely be an issue for my mom, so I'm waiting to move out before telling her just to be on the safe side. My only defence to this theory is that she is under the impression that butch lesbians want to be men and campy gay men want to be women, which as we all know is total BS. (Note: yes I tried explaining this to her, but she didn't really listen to me.) So thats all my venting completed. Thank you if you read all that, it felt good to write it all down.
I can relate to this a lot, but I'm a guy who feels like a woman. I don't want to become a woman because it will really messed up my life because I know I will need a ton of money and I will need to pass. If I was guaranteed those things I would do it, but I can't. I take spiro right now though just in case I will transistion (I'm 18), and I feel like a woman stuck in a gay male's body. I look at other men (only gay though), and feel like I am an opposite gender to them when I know I am not. I am only attracted to men who can make feel a least a little bit feminine inside, since I am not feminine outside. It's fine for now because I am alright, I just hope the guy I fall in love will appreciate me like this. I won't become woman though, so I guess he'll like me for my body. It's just too scary, finance, and worries for now.
(*hug*) Theres this transwoman who comes into where I work (I work at a bookstore) all the time, and I feel so excited every time I see her, because I hope one that that can be me, except the opposite, heh.
