Coming out as bi instead of gay

I did it, but I was going through a lot of shit. I have an OCD obsession with my sexuality, so I just obsessively question my sexuality. It's torture. One minute I think I'm gay and another minute I think I'm bi or asexual. I came out as because I didn't want to be completely closeted and I thought that I was probably attracted to guys. I kind of regret that because a lot of people who I came out to as bi assume that I'll marry a man. It sucks.

 

I like to think of myself as kind of a gray gay. I'm not attracted enough to women to consider myself bisexual. Yet, I told everyone years before I came out as trans, that I was a lesbian (because I was dating a woman). So I actually feel kind of embarrassed saying I consider myself gay now to family and anyone who knew me as a 'lesbian'.

So I'll probably, at least for the time being, stay out as a bisexual or just, as I'm tempted to say, forgo labels all together.

 

Considering I'm biromantic gay, at first I considered coming out as bisexual, but like someone said, it is basically giving your parents false hope of having a child, for example.

However I doubt I'm gonna say 'biromantic' - I wouldn't put it past them to have no idea what that means. And even if I do tell them that, they'll probably start a load of crap like "For God's sake! Do you like boys or girls?!" and "So you could still get married but no kids?" and my family really want me to carry on the tree.

 

I feel like I should explain this from my own experience. I hope this will help others understand.

When I first came out, I came out as a lesbian and that was because I was new to the LGBT community, I didn't know that there was such thing but I knew that I had liked both men and women, always. When I learned about bisexuality, I said to myself, " yes, that's what I am.." and went with it.

Later on, I kept hearing things from my own community saying that bisexuality wasn't real and that I had to pick one or the other and those who where bisexual where fake and just wanted male or female attention.. I felt very discriminated against and very ashamed of my sexuality and myself because that's not what I was trying to do and I genuinely knew that liking both was real. For years I struggled. I wanted to force myself to be a lesbian, even though I liked men, I refused to allow others to believe that I liked them. I gave myself every excuse in the book not to be attracted to them. It was hard because I went back and forth with myself constantly, thinking that being bisexual didn't measure up to someone who was Lesbian or Gay.

Part of this was due to wanting to transition. I felt like everyone expected me to be straight after transitioning and live my life as a full masculine male when I'm actually quite feminine, I do little giggly things and carry a purse, I love make up but.. I want to be male.. and I thought it was wrong to continue being who I am after transitioning and wanting to continue to do drag. One day I just told myself that if I was going to transition, that I needed to be myself regardless, I need to admit to myself that I'm bisexual and live the way I want to live regardless of who says what. I can't change myself and my personality to benefit the people who are uncomfortable with it.

Admitting to myself and to others that I am bisexual was the best feeling of my entire life because it was like a weight lifted off of me and I could continue living my life how I needed to live my life.

 

I did it as a teen, mostly because I wasn't 100% percent sure back then.
Then again i've always followed that up with " but I prefer girls", so nobody was really suprised when I finally came out as a lesbian a few years later.

It's not the best move, but it's better than being completely closeted.

 

People who are against homosexuality are usually also against bisexuality.

Personally, I believe people should not label themselves until they are sure of their sexual orientation.

 

I feel that coming out is a thing of self discover and most of all identification. Most of the time when a person comes out as anything, be it bi, gay, lesbian, pan, or confused, they use it as a stepping stone and check if it "fits" them. I attended for most of my high school and college education in an art school. And there is a very thriving community of people coming out, people discovering themselves and "experimenting". Some people who are still discovering themselves might be confused by the whole labeling gig, but when people who are confused and in a rush to establish I am "blah" even if "blah" is something completely different then who they are, they kind of make life a lot harder for the people in the "blah" sexuality they they are identifying with at that moment in their life.

 

If you know your gay, it might be easier just to say your gay. Idk how you feel though but I agree with a lot of the posting here, people now think all bis are actually gay.

 

People tend to "respect" bisexuals more than homosexuals. I feel this is simply because most morons within society who have a disliking towards people of other sexualities truly believe all gays are these slutty dudes who wear dresses & have aids & whatnot. We can thank their shitty parents.

I was thinking about coming out as Bi but I knew it wasn't who I really was so I didn't bother. My Dad is the only one in my family who knows but I came out to him as gay & to all my friends & whatnot, I simply came out as gay. I felt I would have to come out twice if I were to come out as Bi first.

I also didn't want to give Bisexuals that stereotype that it doesn't exist. People would be wondering why I claimed to be a bisexual yet only date dudes & never try much with females.

So, overall, I just tried to come up with a plan on how to break it to everyone. I came out over text to my Dad & we talked about it when he came home from work & I came out to my college freshman mates in a speech on the day of freshman orientation.

Didn't want to deal with having to come out twice!

 

For me, coming out as bisexual was so much easier for me than when I came out as being gay. The latter for me completely backfired. I told people that I thought were my friends and the majority of them turned against me and ended up telling this to other people. I told my then priest about this and the week after, she decided to get very inappropriate with me during communion. Basically, she forced me to kiss her, in front of everyone, when I clearly didn't want to. Afterwards, she actually graded me on the kiss telling me that it wasn't bad but, that I needed more practice. Practice which I would end up getting. Years later, when I was still a minor, this same person actually tried to get me to start a "relationship" with a woman who was probably in her 50's around that time. O_O

When I came out as being bisexual, I took a smarter approach. I told friends, usually via text, about it after them telling me that they were in the community or were supporters of it. I also told online friends and a doctor that was LGBT-friendly. I had no problems with method.