I hope I chose the right forum; this seemed to fit better hear then in the coming out forum. The only reason I am not out to everyone is my fear of hell. I was raised liberal Christian, became conservative Christian by my own choice in 6th grade, and have lived that (with a couple of exceptions) since then. No matter how many of the other beliefs I can set aside or talk myself out of, the belief on hell seems to stick. I'm so scared of being wrong, of being damned for eternity. I have bipolar disorder and have struggled with mood issues since 4th or 5th grade. I've been chronically suicidal most of my teen and adult life with a couple of exceptions- when I was having my children, and a year or so period where I left Christianity and practiced another religion altogether and was open with most people about my sexuality. I can't help but wonder if part of the reason I struggled with suicidal ideation so much is because I'm not being honest about who I am. But I don't want to hurt the people in my life who are conservative Christian, nor do I want to be wrong and go to hell. Has anyone who truly believed conservative Christianity (vs being forced into it by a parent) came to peace with this? Is it possible to come from this belief system and yet come out?
There’s a book called “God and the Gay Christian” by Matthew Vines as well as some YouTube talks by him. They helped me quite a bit when I was first coming to terms with being a lesbian. He makes the case for being gay affirming using evangelical methodology for looking at the Bible (taking it literally, but also looking at the original translations and looking at cultural context).
