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College Roommate

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by gaynonsense, Jul 5, 2018.

  1. gaynonsense

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    Location:
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    So, I'm pretty nervous about my upcong freshman year of college. Like, I feel really prepared for the coursework and the like, but I'm nervous about my roommate situation.

    I'm going to room with a good friend of mine. The catch is that I'm in love with him. I'm confident it's not a crush, by the way.

    Regardless, he knows how I feel and is okay with it. Like, I even used the word love. I don't know, I'm excited to spend more time with him (I haven't seen him in a while), but I'm nervous too because I don't want to fall for him more or make things weird.

    I don't really know if there's any advice that can be given, I guess I just wanted it off my chest.
     
  2. wardrobeescaper

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    Hey. My only worry is would you be hurt when he starts bringing girls back to the dorm etc?
     
  3. smurf

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    If you truly want to avoid to continue crushing on him then get serious about it. Create your own imposed boundaries that you should adhere to. One of the things that you can do is make sure you make friends that are not connected to him. You have to be able to emotionally depend on other people that are not him and you both need space between each other.

    The other thing is to make sure you impose boundaries on him. Some people like flirting for the sake of flirting. Even straight guys like the attention of gay guys because it feels good. Put a stop to any flirting between you guys. Its fun when its harmless, but in this case flirting by him is toxic to you.

    I personally woulnd't have recommend you to room with him because you are going to see him either naked or half naked, you will have to jack off with him in the room or right before after he leaves etc. Proximity creates feelings. So put some space between you guys.
     
  4. gaynonsense

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    As fast as that goes, I have already felt with that a little. He's pursuing my god-sister right now. I won't lie, that was really, really hard at first, but now I'm better about it.

    It still sucks, but really at the end of the day all I want for either of them is to be happy, and if that's what makes him/them happy, then who am I to stop them or throw a fit.

    With that said, yes I want him to be happy, and I'm able to let him do what he needs to feel happy, I still want to be that happiness so sometimes it's really hard.

    Fortunately for me, and less so for him, it looks like the whole thing with my god-sister isn't going to work out. That and he really isn't one to date around a lot, so I don't have to worry about hookups or short meaningless relationships. He plays for keeps. That also lets me know that whoever he's dating does mean a great deal to him, which makes it just a little easier in it's own way.
     
  5. gaynonsense

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    I understand the whole boundaries thing, and those are something I need to work on. Especially since he really doesn't have any with me. Like, he doesn't usually get overly touchy with me unless we're rough housing, but like if I wanted to lay my head in his lap while we watched a movie, I could and am completely guilty of having done. I even asked if that sort of thing bothered him and he said no.

    I guess what I'm getting at is that I understand there is a certain desire to be physically close to him, not even necessarily in a sexual sense. Just small intimate contact like holding hands for example. I also know that I'm not the best at stopping myself from putting myself close to him and I need to define some boundaries for myself.

    Also, I have no interest in masturbating with him in the room or any chance of coming in the room. I know that I have romantic feelings for him, but I also respect him too much for that. He may have few boundaries, but I certainly uphold the few he does have.

    For seeing him in the nude, or close. We have stayed together on numerous occasions and the most I've seen is him shirtless. He doesn't really like to be that expository. Also, he has image issues. So, I'm at a rather low risk, especially considering that all dorms have semi-private restrooms. Essentially that means the restroom is shared by 4 rooms, 8 people, and the showers have little rooms their in that can lock and have enough space to bring clothes.

    I think I'm personally more worried about drawing my boundaries than anything sexual.