Whelp. In just a few hours I'm going to an orientation for my college. I'm staying overnight Monday into Tuesday. I'm supposedly doing all sorts of stuff (that they haven't been very specific about). And I'm kinda freaking out. I'm bloody scared. I traveled up here Sunday morning with my mom and we had a good day. Until the end of the movie we were watching. I started to feel a lot of anxiety. Especially walking back to the hotel on very dimly lit streets. Kinda creepy without the extra weight on my brain. See, I believe that it's the unknown that scares me. Or the lack of knowing for certain what's happening and being used to it. This is why I hate routine, you do tge same stuff over and over again, and you get comfortable, and then when something changes, bang! It's like slamming on the brakes with a semi truck right off yout bumper. You just get whacked by it. I honestly blame routine for a lot of my anxiety, because whenever I break routine or whatever my comfort zone is, I end up getting slapped in the face by anxiety or depression, etc. Also just plain irrational fear as well. I get scared in the dark, I feel a chill in the wind even if it's80 degrees outside, I immediately feel an overwhelming sense of dread or anxiety. Typically both. It's a thing. I don't know whether to believe the people who tell me that college is easy or its the best thing I'll ever do in life, or the people who say that college is extremely hard and the most dreadful thing on the planet. I honestly hope I have good experiences. I wanna meet more good people and have more good times, like I did in high school. I think I need therapy. I'm having so many problems and I feel like its all internal. Well, at least most of it. Okay well, I'm going to try and get 5 hours of sleep. So, good night or good morning folks!
