1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Codependency in marriage

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by nerdbrain, Jan 4, 2016.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

Page 2 of 2
  1. CameOutSwinging

    CameOutSwinging
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2015
    Messages:
    735
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York City
    I thought the same thing.

    A co-dependent person would actually wake up to check on the baby every single time so that his partner doesn't have to. It is sacrificing what you need, taking on too much of the responsibility, and also trying to keep your partner happy (for the underlying fear that they may leave you if you don't). That's being co-dependent.
     
    #21 CameOutSwinging, Jan 7, 2016
  2. cheaterdad

    cheaterdad
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2016
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ky
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Thank you, but I am afraid if I continue to try and get out of my marriage that I will be pushed to the sidelines of the parenting situation and almost be edged out due to the strong family support she has and the complete lack of support and knowledge that I would have to help me.

    ---------- Post added 7th Jan 2016 at 02:31 PM ----------
    Thank you!

    ---------- Post added 7th Jan 2016 at 02:53 PM ----------
    With this definition of co-dependency, it's my wife who is the co-dependent one, she is constantly trying to keep me happy and make it easier for me. Now I am confused. Lol
     
    #22 cheaterdad, Jan 7, 2016
  3. CyclingFan

    CyclingFan
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2014
    Messages:
    1,362
    Likes Received:
    30
    Location:
    Northern CA
    I think my ex and I were in a mutually co dependent relationship. We both cared for each other, and there was healthy expression of that. But we often took this too far, and validated behavior we each shouldn't have. I think we each prevented the other from growing. I was depressed to the point of suicidal when we started dating and I only found effective help after many years. Which of course helped lead to this. :lol:

    I'm actually a little concerned about it being a part of my current relationship. Things are going well, but Im super wary. I wasn't suicidal or anything when we met, but given the events of the year I'm not going to say I was running on all cylinders either.
     
    #23 CyclingFan, Jan 15, 2016
  4. Orchidea123

    Orchidea123
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2015
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    151
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Codependency is so natural when marriage is good, it's a true partnership with ups and downs. Same thoughts crossed my mind as well..
     
    #24 Orchidea123, Jan 15, 2016
  5. CyclingFan

    CyclingFan
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2014
    Messages:
    1,362
    Likes Received:
    30
    Location:
    Northern CA
    I disagree. Codependency interferes with a true partnership. It papers over some of the deficiencies and often means the roots of the ups and downs aren't always addressed.

    It can feel really good though
     
    #25 CyclingFan, Jan 15, 2016
  6. nerdbrain

    nerdbrain
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2014
    Messages:
    536
    Likes Received:
    112
    Location:
    New York City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    The way codependency manifests for me is that I often feel insecure and anxious when my wife isn't around, and I crave her presence as a kind of security blanket. I feel very needy emotionally and I really don't like that.

    We have a lot of cute nicknames for each other, and some made-up words that we use in conversation. Sometimes I make up silly little songs for her that are like nursery rhymes. It's very sweet and loving, but also somewhat childlike.

    The flipside is that it's difficult for me to act like a grown man around her. The last time we went to a fancy dinner, I didn't know what to say. It was super awkward and uncomfortable. We don't really have adult conversations. I get very anxious when I feel the pressure to "act like a man" around her, and wish we could just go home and cuddle.

    Anyway, I'm convinced that there is a whole bag of Mommy issues here -- some kind of separation anxiety.
     
    #26 nerdbrain, Jan 15, 2016
  7. CyclingFan

    CyclingFan
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2014
    Messages:
    1,362
    Likes Received:
    30
    Location:
    Northern CA
    You've described a lot of my marriage, especially at the end of it, nb.
     
    #27 CyclingFan, Jan 18, 2016
  8. nerdbrain

    nerdbrain
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2014
    Messages:
    536
    Likes Received:
    112
    Location:
    New York City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Ha! That doesn't bode well for me...
     
    #28 nerdbrain, Jan 19, 2016
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)
Page 2 of 2