Chronic urticaria

I've never talked about this before because I was embarrassed but I've decided I t deal with it on my own anymore. I'm so frustrated right now, I just want to cry. I'm probably not going to sugarcoat this at all, I've been really depressed since my Nan died and now there's this too. So I've had chronic urticaria for months now, since June or July. Urticaria is hives or welts, whatever you want to call it. Chronic means it's been recurring for six weeks or more and it's been 5/6 months so yeah. And I've been to three different doctors who have absolutely no idea what to do, they're stumped. Everyday for the past few months, I've been waking up totally covered in hives...my arms and legs, my stomach and back, my face, all that. It's like one big connected rash sometimes. I also get reactive arthritis on bad days, meaning that my joints (fingers and wrists mostly) swell up and ache. Sometimes my eyes and lips also swell so it looks like I got punched in the face. It never gets better like I've tried to swap stuff out or completely stop using certain stuff but it never changes anything. I've wasted a lot of money too on bedsheets, pillows, blankets, new clothes, etc. In fact, in most cases there is no identifiable trigger for someone's chronic urticaria. And they don't know if it's an autoimmune disease or what. I don't react very well to antihistamines in that it doesn't make much of a difference and I take them nearly everyday now.

It's been absolute hell. I have scars and scabs all over my legs and back because sometimes I just scratch myself until I bleed. Like I said, topical or oral medication doesn't really work so I don't have any other options. Doctors don't want to prescribe me anything else. I feel like they've just given up on me. I rarely leave the house anymore because I'm too embarrassed, it looks gross and especially if my face is swollen. I don't leave if I don't absolutely have to. I just try and occupy myself with baking, therapeutic coloring books, exercise, playing my ukulele...especially reading and watching movies because then I can pretend I'm somewhere else. I have a part-time job but on days where I work, I just use a heap of foundation on my face, my arms and my neck so it doesn't show up as much. If I'm just going shopping or something, I usually wear long-sleeved shirts and pants.

So I was looking online for ways to control my disease without medication because I really need some kind of relief. A lot of people online who have the condition say that a low-histamine diet helps them to control it. I was looking up what a low-histamine diet is because I wanted to start it if it helps me. And so now I'm not supposed to have meat unless it's fresh or frozen and immediately thawed out (no canned, cured, marinated, minced, chopped or pureed), tuna, shellfish, mackerel, anchovies, most kinds of cheese, yogurt, milk, butter, spinach, tomatoes, eggplant, avocado, olives, legumes, soy products (such as milk or tofu), alcohol, energy drinks, anything pickled, malt, canned corn, strawberries, raspberries, any citrus fruits, banana, pineapple, kiwifruit, pears, papaya, guava, most kinds of nuts, chocolate or vinegar...that's all the things I can't have because it supposedly causes the histamine levels to spike. I'm going to go shopping tomorrow so I can cook my own separate meals from my family.

I'm just so depressed right now, I'm not even kidding. I was really happy because I thought this would be a lifelong thing but I actually found out today that it usually only lasts for a few months to five years and then it passes. But worse case scenario, that's five years of my life. I want to kill myself, anything that would stop the pain and itching and all the ugliness. I wish I could be normal again. I've been reading other people accounts of their time with chronic urticaria and they said it was a sad time in their lives too. I just wish I could look back on it instead of being in the middle of all this. I don't know what to do, I'm so tired. I don't want to deal with anymore.