Hi there, I've come to the conclusion that I want to transition, physically, but I'm not entirely out yet. As in most people who know me privately know, work doesn't know because I'm not quite sure how to approach that, but I'm not presenting publicly yet. Now I've been made aware that it's rather simple here to get HRT, which actually made me super excited to the point where I made an appointment today with an informed concent clinic and filled in all their questions and confirmed the booking. I got so excited that it wouldn't be an impossible task that I just accepted at the time that I'd ride it out till I'm physically incapable of hiding it and then making the social changes needed. This worries me now though since I'm basically saying I'll wait till my physical condition puts me on the spot rather than face it first. So I'm sitting here thinking I should start presenting publicly and socially, I want to anyhow I'm just not comfortable with my body and won't pass very well if I do. Not to mention I don't know how people will react. I suppose it's not about them and what I can't control though so I'll be damned if I let that control me. Anyhow, I'm looking for some advise here. When do you know you're ready to present publicly? Whether you pass or not? Would you self impose a real life test as such or go straight for the HRT if you could? How do you deal with work? Are you ever really perfectly certain and ready for this? I'm basically one push away from just putting on some makeup and more feminine clothing and rocking my male voice publicly and not caring what who says but still scared enough not to have done it yet. I appreciate the feedback in advance Hugs Katelyn
I'm not sure what to advise, but some of your concerns resonate strongly with me. " I want to anyhow I'm just not comfortable with my body and won't pass very well if I do." This is something which terrifies me, too. I wish I had a body which was androgynous that I could pass as a man or a woman or neither depending on what I wore and I envy those in such a position. I haven't yet worked out whether I'm just insecure or I have legitimate concerns and I feel too afraid to risk it. As for work, I came out to a few people I trusted three years ago, but for a variety of reasons I haven't said anything since.
It's a tough one. Like, I feel I want to make the hormone changes as soon as I can but is it wise to jump at it before I'm presenting full time? Like would you first present full time even though you'd look like an ape in a dress (referring to myself here since I think I look sort of gross) and first wait before you jump to hormones or would you start hormones and presenting as soon as you can both and wait until you're far enough along to let it out at work so it doesn't cause unnecessary stess? I understand our legal system is fortunately rather well geared towards defending diverse individuals, South Africa's history with discrimination ensured that happened. So I feel as if I'd be less likely to lose my job long as I don't do anything wrong. They might nitpic to try and use that as reasons but based on being trans alone can't be an issue I think. I hope... I think I want to start in private capacity, away from work, presenting as female regardless now. Enough people know and the rest can find out as I go. Guess it's more a matter of "what to wear" now then
Hey Katelyn, It must be so tough and hard and i cant imagine how you going through when all you want is to be out there and be accepted. Me as a lesbian, im feminine kind not butch type and I dont crossdress or want to change anything or how I comfortably grew up already like this but on your case , it is more the same ,choose your identity you feel more comfortable for yourself not for others. When i came out ,i did it first to my closest friends ,i was very scared and so scary to be out there but you gotta crawl out slowly but surely and know which people you give your trust with and there i built my confidence to came out to my family. I started with the people im close with or loved ones and go from there. Next thing i know i have a stronger support system than i imagined. However you present yourself that is who you are ,that is you on how you will become and identified as a confident and strong person and that no other opinion matters or consent but only yours and freedom alone has to shine and only yours .
I would also like to dress/appear more feminine, but the biggest physical factor holding me back is my height. I'm a tall guy and it's very hard to find feminine clothes that fit me. The other physical factor is my face and head. I have a more masculine looking face, I have facial hair, and a short hairstyle. I think that as a man, I look pretty good with my facial hair and hairstyle, and that if I went with a more feminine look, I might not look as good and wearing women's clothes with a masculine face would just look weird. And if I may say, Katelyn, looking at your profile picture you look quite passable as a woman. If I saw you on the street looking like that and didn't know you, I'd might not realize you were trans.
Thank you, you're too sweet. I actually have a similar issue height wise as I'm above average height for a man so my love for heels makes me look a tad freakish. That said, us amazonian women are bread to be warriors so muscle and height is to be expected I decided to go and meet up with a new friend I met over Facebook, a local transgirl that joined the support group the same day as I did. We chatted for a few evenings and then decided to meet up. She came in male mode and I had since decided to attempt going out in private capacity (outside work) as myself going forward so I rode my motorcycle there fully dressed up in rather casual but clearly feminine garb that's bike appropriate under the jackets and gloves and what have you, and met her for our first physical meeting at a McDonald's in a busy mall centre. I felt like a few people stared or gave me looks, but she just kept asking me how I got to where I am as I don't look like a man the flattery was real. My voice sucks terribly but I managed to soften it enough to speak with ease and still be audible enough to hear yet not thunder the room up. I was just so nervous for the first bit. I think I'll do it this way around for a while until I feel like I'm confident enough in my interpretation of my identity and then I'll persue the hormones. Self imposed real life test.
