My boyfriend and I decided back in February to take sometime to work on some personal goals we set forth for ourselves. It was hard to both recognize we needed the time, but we both took it. I made my stance clear to him at that time that I loved him and I was working to better myself for our relationship and he needed to do the same. Side story, I suffer from childhood PTSD and he had failed relationships from before. We wanted to get it right for on another. Over the course of March we communicated weekly. Just checking in. Still confirming our love. April, things turned a little. He shut off his google locator and ask me to shut off mine. Then when silent. I was afraid at this point to reach out. Fearful of the answer. And we went uncommunicative until the end of May. He asked me to come get some stuff. I went over and we both broke down. We had both made the assumption that the other didn’t want to talk. Which hurt. Also found out he numbed by drinking during this time. A week and half later. We are still talking and we have recapped our journeys and he tells me he wants a future with me but only if our paths cross. But then tells me he has goals and does stuff on a daily basis with me in mine. It all came to head shortly after when I found out he had been cheating on me. He didn’t say how many times, nor did I ask. He said he felt regret and hates himself for it because I remained committed to him this whole time. I’m not stuck. I love this man. I want this to wrk, but at the same time I want someone who will communicate and be committed as well. Throughout all his prior relationships he’s been on apps and has always done things in open (don’t ask/don’t tell relationships). I want a committed, monogamous relationship.
I think this can only be your decision. Personally, for me, cheating would be the end of the relationship. I couldn’t deal with wondering if they were going to do it again. You have to ask yourself whether you can trust him. If not, then it’s over.
If someone cheated on me I’d always wonder would it happen again. Every time they were late home, didn’t answer there phone or texting someone but saying it was no one important when I asked, I would wonder are they cheating. It also sounds like your boyfriend neither wants, or is capable of, a monogamous relationship. It might be better to find someone who wants what you do. You can’t change him and does he want to change?
I don't think he has clearly defined intentions and until such a time as he manages to define his intentions you will always feel in a state of flux. It's very hard to move beyond cheating in a relationship because it does such a corrosive thing to trust, so the question you really need to ask yourself is "can I forgive?". Only you can come to the answer, but it would suggest you think very carefully about it. For me personally, cheating would cause damage that could never be repaired.
