1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Changes after coming out

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Tikimon20, Sep 6, 2021.

  1. Tikimon20

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2021
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    25
    Location:
    Austin, Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thanks to this forum I've came out to myself and a close friend. I'm looking forward to being in a local support group soon.

    One change I noticed is a much stronger sexual desire than before. I'm trying to stay away from online hookups, but I have slipped a couple of times.

    Also, for the first time I find myself thinking how nice it would be to meet someone to share romantic dates. Things like dinners out, holding hands and kisses with my partner.
     
    #1 Tikimon20, Sep 6, 2021
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2021
    Adz6, Bastion and out2019 like this.
  2. BiGemini87

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2019
    Messages:
    607
    Likes Received:
    474
    Location:
    Pembroke, ON
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    That's wonderful to hear! Sounds like you've made a lot of progress in being your true self. :slight_smile: I wish you great luck in finding your special someone.

    (Also, I think the increase in sexual desire is normal; I've noticed others here have experienced much the same, myself included. It can be pretty intense for a while, so hopefully it doesn't cause you too much distress in the meantime).
     
    Tikimon20 and out2019 like this.
  3. Tikimon20

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2021
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    25
    Location:
    Austin, Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thanks! I had so many fears and excuses before coming out.
     
    out2019 and BiGemini87 like this.
  4. out2019

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2018
    Messages:
    740
    Likes Received:
    569
    Location:
    us
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Once I accepted myself my fantasies and sexual desire became super intense and whatever small interest I had in women pretty much dimensioned to nothing... I remember when I was here using the 'I look at women" defense someone said my desire for women would fade - I was so terrified but I realized subconsciously at least he was right. Then when it happened I was surprised how good it felt to let go of trying to force myself to like women.


    Yes! Accepting that I was gay 'allowed' me to start fantasizing beyond sex, and seriously consider dating for example. Once I started to think about dating I was really surprised how easily I could imagine it and how much I wanted it - with women thinking about dating was always a chore.

    I have only come out to a couple of people but with those people I feel so alive!
     
    FooFight54, eron and Tikimon20 like this.
  5. Tikimon20

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2021
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    25
    Location:
    Austin, Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I'm going to add this to the list. I can easily imagine dating men, now. I'm gaining a different kind of confidence when dating and imagining dating men. I had always felt genuine intense pleasure when intimate with a man and I don't feel like I have to hide those feelings from myself anymore.
     
    Adz6 and Jo Hannah like this.
  6. Contented

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2017
    Messages:
    1,083
    Likes Received:
    1,461
    Location:
    Upstate NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    At first I assumed my same sex interest revolved solely regarding sex. Which was fantastic by the way. It so much more intense, erotic, sensual and pleasurable by a factor of 100x. What changed however within a short period of time was the intense desire to have an emotional and romantic relationship with another man. I was blown away by incredible need in me to go beyond the sexual and into relationship. In short order women became less than an afterthought and I saw other men as the object of my deepest sexual and emotional desire. The feeling was like nothing I had experienced prior with a woman.
     
    #6 Contented, Sep 9, 2021
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2021
    Adz6, out2019 and Tikimon20 like this.
  7. Contented

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2017
    Messages:
    1,083
    Likes Received:
    1,461
    Location:
    Upstate NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Couldn’t agree more that once I acknowledged my same sex attraction my sexual desire went off the charts. It was so incredibly intense and pleasurable. The other major change was I had always been intimate with women at night, in the dark and never comfortable being naked afterwards. I always covered up and did the same with the woman. I just felt uncomfortable and never really knew why. After coming out that ceased to be an issue. I was quite comfortable with my BF and I being nude. We had a private deck off our condo and many times we sunbathed in the nude. Once we even went to a clothing optional gay beach. While it was interesting and very sexy I felt somewhat uncomfortable due to number of hard bodied young gay men with six pack abs around. I felt like I should be wearing a burka around these sexy guys. At any rate the changes were seismic for me including making love anytime not just at night with the lights out. I realized what I was uncomfortable with was the woman being naked and not me.
     
    #7 Contented, Sep 11, 2021
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2021
    Adz6, Joolz66 and Tikimon20 like this.
  8. Tikimon20

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2021
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    25
    Location:
    Austin, Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I'm feeling great, but I'm probably lucky that support groups aren't meeting in person, yet! I love the thought of being a couple, but I'm so physically needy right now.
     
  9. Tikimon20

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2021
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    25
    Location:
    Austin, Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    As a younger guy I felt pressure to try something sexual after most dates with girls. I refused to admit to myself then, but with guys I liked getting my clothes as soon soon as we could find a hidden spot. I think I might know someone who would like to share a gay friendly condo for a weekend. This seems like a nice step and seems so natural to me now.
     
    Adz6 likes this.
  10. eron

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2018
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    55
    Location:
    Utah
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    My experience was very much the same. Once I came out to myself, my same sex attraction became much more intense, erotic, and pleasurable. Also, I found those awkward moments after climax to be much less awkward.
     
    Tikimon20 likes this.
  11. Contented

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2017
    Messages:
    1,083
    Likes Received:
    1,461
    Location:
    Upstate NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Another change I noticed was I became more comfortable as a gay man, I became more confident in who I really was, what I really wanted out of life beyond just my sexuality. For the first time I started to think of me first. I realized there was no sin in taking care of my body and mind. Old ideas of what It meant to be a man faded away making it easier to be exactly who I was inside.
     
    Tikimon20 and Pole star like this.