Can't seem to get the disgusted feeling out of myself

(Pleas be warned that I will be talking about private parts and intimate moments here. I'll try to keep it as NC-17 as possible, but be warned anyway)

So this is concerning a date (and intimate moment) with a guy I met on a dating app almost a month ago. We've chatted on and off until he and I decided to meet up a few days ago.

So since I got off early the other day, around 4 pm, we decided to meet up and I was ok with it. He began suggesting a bunch of different malls and coffee shops. Problem was, it was hot as HELL and I was tired to go walking. Plus I already had my lunch (so did he) and that's why I didn't want to go sit at a coffee shop. So I agreed to take a cab to his apartment, so that we could chill. (That was my first mistake). I kept messaging him, telling him what I'm comfortable with (blah blah blah) and what I'm not comfortable with.

We met, talked for a while and then we started to get intimate. It wasn't that bad until he decided, mid intimacy to flip me over and start penetration. Which was a big no no. I stop him, flipped him over and continued making out. And then he tried again and almost pushed in. It was quite painful since I was super tight, not ready physically or mentally, and his penis' head was quite wide and large that it was stretching my sphincter quite forcefully to the extent that it was hurting my entire backside. That was when I pushed him away. He didn't really think much of it, but didn't try to penetrate me forcefully again. Instead he climaxed and wanted me to lick his stuff. Disgusted, I got up, told him what he tried to do after I said no, got dressed and ran out. He messaged me later and I told where I told him to basically go F*** himself.

In his defence, he claimed he didn't go "all the way in" and that doesn't count as penetration or anal. I was disgusted with the way he described it and also with the fact that
a) he did it after I told him I'm not interested in that kind of stuff beforehand, and after I said no twice while we were making out
b) He didn't use lube, he just spit on his hand and was ready to plunge.
c) He didn't even put on a condom. He didn't ask if it was ok that he wasn't wearing one.

I can't even believe the guy. I can't believe that I didn't push him away and storm out of there when he tried to penetrate me against my will the first time round. That's what makes me feel even more disgusted at myself. Was I enjoying the intimacy so much that I was ready to give that creep another chance even after he violated one of the values I placed? Even though I blocked the guy on the app (I didn't give him my number of any other personal details) and tried forgetting about the incident entirely, I can't stop being mad at myself for being so desperate that I ignored all the red flags.

 

@I'mStillStanding I'm more disgusted than anything really. But yeah, I get what you're saying.

@Dionysios Thank you for the kind words. I'm usually very suspicious (read careful) and meet people in public places likes parks, cafes, restaurants or malls for the first few dates. But I think I let my exhaustion override my decision making capabilities. I know I won't let that happen again.