Can't Even Say it Out Loud

Its perfectly normal and over time it does get easier.

The first step in your plan should read "come out on EC". Thats the first stage to acceptance and you did it!

It took me a looooong time to accept that i wasnt straight, and even longer to come out. Its a case of taking your time until youre ready.

The first time i ever got the words out was when i actually came out. I couldnt say it to myself at all. Its a month on now and its sooooo much easier. Its a process you have to work out slowly in your head.

Just remember that theres literally thousands if not millions of people going through the same thing. Its perfectly normal and you will get to the point where you can come out

 

The first time you come is the most difficult.

The next time is the easiest, and after that, it just becomes even easier.

If you want to get to the latter then you're going to have to tell your self that you can do it and break the barrier. If you have the right person to come out to, it makes it a lot easier, just try not to worry about it too much.

 

I accept the fact that I am gay and I have told people that I am gay (not by saying the actual word), but I still cannot say it aloud. Even when somebody else talks about me being gay, it gives me terrible anxiety. I'm almost shocked that they've said it.

Me and my friend have a code word for gay so we can talk when she's over at my house. I tell my friends by making them guess, not by saying 'I'm gay'.

I can't explain how it makes me feel. I'm not ashamed of being gay, it's just the word, it has so much impact on me.

 

I don't think I ever came out to people by saying "I'm gay" in so many words.
I always used the slightly more roundabout way of "I know you guys have been wondering when I'll find a girlfriend. I hope you won't mind if I'd get a boyfriend instead?"
(or similar kinds of phrasings as the situation warranted).

And you know what? I don't think that made it any less of a real coming out. They knew perfectly well what it meant, I got it off my chest, they gave me their acceptance just as they would have if I'd used "gay" literally.


That said, I did eventually get comfortable with saying "gay" out loud as well. I'll still avoid it slightly, but if people say "so, Filip, what's the gay perspective on this?" (gotta love friends who throw stuff like that around in the middle of a crowded sports bar ), I don't flinch anymore.

What you probably want to do here is not focus on the whole long-term plan, for now. Step 3 is all good and well, but for now, step 1 should be your really final goal.
And maybe you can divide it into substeps.

Step 1: Mouthing it. No sound. Just you, in a room, making the lip movements. Even if the CIA, KGB and Interpol are bugging your room they wouldn't know you did it
Step 2: Mouthing it in front of a mirror. You'll see what it looks like, but still: no one would ever know!
Step 3: Whispering it. Alone in the dark, beneath a blanket if necessary.
Step 4: Whispering it to a mirror.
Further steps: actually saying it out loud to yourself, when you're home alone.

At that point: congratulations! You said you're gay out loud! And only at that point should you plan the next step.

Also: stick around! Post in some threads. Unburden your woes. It's anonymous and yet, you're training your brain. You're on a GLBt forum, discussing GLBT topics, with GLBT people. And the sky won't fall. After a time that feeling will translate into being more comfortable about it offline too!

 

You will start to say that out loud the same time you accept yourself as a gay. I Pressume you are scared of the things might happen, but everything will be alright and time by time youll accept that fact

 

Hello Jay (great name!)--

Some great advice above. I'll just add my experience. I'm just now coming out fully to myself and others. I've told a grand total of two people, one of whom is my therapist.

I knew I wanted to say something to my therapist, so before going, I made myself writing it down in my journal. I write all the time, so this should be no big deal, right? Wrong. I procrastinated in writing and in person for over four pages. (Oh, I need to stop to see if the cats need food. Oh, look--that dish needs to be washed. I am not kidding here.)

I even made a list of reasons to support my thinking that I was..well, that word. I couldn't even write it then! And then I wrote about how I didn't want to use that word. Trust me I did everything I could think of to stall.

Then I wrote it. That's it. It was hard. And while I felt good about it, writing it didn't instantly lift my burden. But it did help just a little.

So trust me--you are not alone here.

--Zoe

 

This. I had told myself that I was gay, but the first few times I "came out" to people, I always paraphrased it. I remember saying things like "I kinda like guys" and "I've decided to come out the closet". It wasn't until shortly thereafter that I used the actual word "gay" when speaking about myself. I had still stated the fact, however, that I was a homosexual.