Maybe this isn't where I should post this.... However, it didn't seem to fit quite right in any of the others. Their names I'll change. My roomies... Well, I came originally to help Marie. She had surgery near the beginning of the summer and with her husband Jon working Marie wasn't quite capable of caring for her son and the house. Once that was dealt with they decided I should stay and they'd help me get back on my feet. A few days ago she discovered her cancer had returned. This morning she got a phone call concerning her thyroid. There had been what they called a nodule on her thyroid. An ultrasound shown that only had it grown significantly but there were more than one. Now, she hasn't spoken to me much since the phone call. But, I know that she is fearing that her cancer is spreading. Her cancer was not anywhere near her throat nor thyroid. My question... She doesn't want her husband to know. I've lost people in my life to cancer. My mom for instance in 2012 to breast cancer. Should I say something to him? I know she doesn't want him to stress more. But, I know... I know me. I may not be strong enough on my own to be a pillar of strength for her.
No. It's her illness and she deserves to be able to choose who does and doesn't know about it. Maybe she doesn't want to upset him if the results aren't certain yet.
I am sorry to hear that you have lost your mom to cancer. I can understand from where you are coming from, and why you feel it would be good for the husband to know. As hard as this is though, it should and needs to be Marie's decision on whether she wants her husband to know at this stage. With the current situation, it is possible that she herself is awaiting more information to know whether it has spread or what the full diagnoses is going to be. It is also possible that she doesn't want her husband to hear it from anyone else but from her when she feels she is ready to let him know. You already know one reason why she doesn't want her husband to be informed (at this point). Being a cancer survivor myself, I would not have been all that happy if someone would have done the talking on my behalf without an okay from me. I wanted to be the one that said what's happening and what the results of the first couple of appointments were, and what happens next. If you haven't had much communication with her since the last phone call, I think it would be good if you could try reaching out, and offering your support to her. She might not respond immediately but knowing that you are there for her, can ease her own fears she might be experiencing. At the same time, you can also indicate that while you are there to support her, you would like her to reach out to others to make sure she has the support she needs.
Thank you all for replying... I had meant to respond sooner but there have been a few developments. Marie finally opened up to Jon. He's more of a thinker, so in alot of ways he hasn't really responded with much. But, I am sure It's bothering him. She also opened up to her son, though being 8 he still doesn't quite comprehend. She has finally let me in and with your advice some of what she has told me I've kept to myself. Especially, her fear and anxieties. Her father passed away 5 years ago tomorrow. So, she has also been thinking about that which has been keeping her in an emotional state. I understand that all too well. My mother was eight days after my birthday and two days before Halloween 2012. My younger sister was the day before Thanksgiving 2006, she was only 18. This year the day my sister passed away falls on Thankgiving. So, I can relate to the feelings of loss around this time of year. She did get some news... The cancer she feared was back from when I helped after her surgery was benign. So, she is in the clear on that end. However, the thyroid is still up for debate. They finally set her up for a biopsy next week. Either way they explained she'd have to have surgery to remove the tumor. But, they wont know if It's benign or malignant till the biopsy. Thankfully they give her the results right after the biopsy. We'll know next Wednesday.
Glad to hear that she told her family and that the surgery came back with benign results. I just wanted to say that I am a thyroid cancer patient and I know that this is not an easy thing to go through. Especially the waiting part. It’s hard for the patient and their family of course, but it can also be hard on close friends as well. I’ll be keeping you all in my thoughts this week and hoping for good results from the biopsy this week. Feel free to message me if you need to!
