I have heard people say it before that you don't really get over someone but that you just have to move on. Recently I have started to fantasize over a guy who I used to have a huge crush on. Whenever I tried to open up to him he rejected me and started completely ignoring me. After I got past the initial hurt I thought that I was over him and that my interest was gone. Am I just getting to a point where I'm not mad at him anymore. Or is something else going on?
Depends on how you define "getting over". I do honestly think it's possible to get over negativity. It took me quite some time to get over my first crush. Years, even. There was a lot of disillusion when I found out he wasn't as perfect as I made him in my own mind. And that he could be kind of a jerk at times. And that he still tried being a friend as best he could. And that he was never going to turn gay, no matter how much I wanted him to. And sometimes, I found myself obsessing over that more than I ever did when I still really crushed on him. And for a moment, even after moving on and not thinking about him so much, any reminder of him could still send me into obsession mode for days at a time. So for a moment, I really thought getting over him was impossible and moving on was my only option. But... if I think of him now, I am really completely over him. It's easier to see how, while providing 99% of my teenage angst, the story is just one of two people who happened to be at the same place at the same time, and confusing emotions ensued on my side. I know he has a wife and kid and a job that takes him to interesting places around the world and I'm genuinely happy for him. In a way, you could also say that I can never get over him in the sense that I can never act as if he wasn't such a big part of highschool for me. The thoughts I thought then can never be un-thought. And if I think of how I deal with relationships currently, that whole episode played a major role in it. So I'll always drag a bit of it with me. Not that it's a bad thing. I like my life now, so I can't be too sorry for the steps that took me here. So in short: I think getting over someone is possible. It takes time, forgiveness of yourself and others, and a willingness to accept that any situation was complex and that you should accept lessons learned use them to build a better future.
yes you can. it is entirely possible. my very first love...she and i were together for over 5 yrs, from my teens to my early 20s. i loved her and wanted to marry her and was completely devoted to her. she was my first everything: first gf, first love, first kiss, first sexual partner. well she ended it after all that time together, after that life we had built together, after promises of marriage, after everything completely devastated me. it took me three yrs to pick myself up off the floor...but i did it. there is no easy solution and no quick fix. you can eat, you can cry, you can go out and party and screw as many people as you want. pick your poison. none of that worked for me. i had to go through the pain (worst pain i have EVER felt in my life). i hate to say this bc everyone says it and it's not comforting, but it takes time. at least for me time was what helped. and it was a lot of time. over three yrs. i am entirely over her now. sure, sometimes i think about her and get mad bc of how she broke my heart but i really am over it. you can do it. give yourself time.
