Can my ocd make this?

Yes, i always say this to me, actually it helps bc i stop the moment of despair lol.

Like when i have those kind of thoughs about testing me kissing a guy, i have this intense feeling (that feels like a pleasent feeling?) That comes with a rush of anxiety and i just say, its okay relax and just let it be, and then i kind get a little relieved.

I know about the book, im saving up moneu to buy it, but i read on internet a lot of tips that help with that, im using this in the meanwhile.

 

Hi all.

So i talked to my psychiatrist about new meds and new dosage, and in the appointment i talked about everything that is going on, even related to porn use. And i left with some questions that i will ask him the next time, i noticed that sometimes in porn i get some arousal when i hear the mens moan before ejaculate or sometimes with his facil expressions. And i started to wonder if this is basically a stereotype where a man cant feel some arousal seeing this bc this is what gays like.

And i really dont know, i think porn is made to male you aroused, so every sound should be arousing right? Or facial expression. I notice the difference between woman face and mens face, i dont get attracted to the guys face, is not something that i like to look at, while i really love to see womans expressions, but there are times when they close to the guys face before he ejaculates and this expression give me some arousal. So what do you guys think, is it something that a "straight" guy should feel aroused by? I never paid too much attention to this but now that i do is always in my mind.

 

Yeah youre right. Its so dumb but it bothers me so much, now even porn when i watch i feel like im getting hard for the men even if its not the case, it just like my head throwing this shit of im gay flr doing this or i am gay if this arouses me, im getting hard bc of the men. It makes me so angry tbh.

Ill stop with these kind of comments, thank you all

 

Yeah sure youre right chip, its very hard to not test with ocd. Saying that is like cigarretes addiction is completely correct.

Im trying my best to not do any compulsions, even if it seems hard, actually today i engaged, im so sorry for that, i did again the test of kissing a guy, for some days i didnt do that but today i did, i feel like a stupid guy, so dumb lol, first i was only fantasizing about kissing a girl, it was sooooo good omg, and then the freaking thing happened and i did. Im so sorru for this guys, i feel so bad when i do this bc you guys did so much for me, and i feel like ik throwing all this in the garbage.

I do have a question though, that doesnt concern my sexuality, for you guys, is normal to have your penis a little wet without being hard? Like a lot of times when i do this compulsions, and i pressure a little there, there are a little wet in that part, im trying no to be graphic lol. So is it normal? With woman usually i dont have this kind of thing even getting hard only when i masturbate to it. I dont think this means im gay or anything, i just think is weird lol. So is it normal to something like this happen? Or can it happen bc of my anxiety?

Once again sorry for testing and please dont give up on me, you guys help me a lot here im feeling so comfort with all of you here.

I know im such a pain in the ass but thank for everyrhing you are doing for me!!

 

Like its so weird, if i masturbate to womans i feel pleasure and good and omg sooo good, but this liquid dont come out so often, but like when i fantasize about giving a bj to a guy even if i feel some disgust thinking about it and get flaccid, a lot of times those liquids come out like??? Shouldnt Those liquids come when you are aroused?
I find it so weird.

 

I was having such a good day today, i was only fantasizing with a girl feeling so good, i didnt feel like this for weeks. It was awesome, and then popped in my heas this damn thing and started to test myself. Now im confused again, sad and my day is over already, and now i have this worry about this "preejaculation" that comes everytime i masturbate to gay thoughts even if i find it disgusting and dont get hard.

Pls someone punch me in the face as many times as you want just to make me understand things already

 

Yeah sure is tough but is he wrong? Of course not, i am the one whos wrong here, and everyone knows.

Today i will start to not watch porn for a week first, to see if i can, i only will masturbate to fantasies. I started today, switching fantasies of course, i started with gay fantasies, but somethinf differente happened this time, i managed to get hard wbile thinking about it, dont know what happened but for a moment i got hard, but i couldnt keep it up, i start getting flaccid more and more with time, but i sure did get hard, and sure did feel a feeling of arousal i think.

Then switched back to straight fantasies and i got and stayed hard, but i coulsnt finished bc i think i kind lost the interest in masturbating after trying with gay fantasies i think, i was not in the mood anymore.

Lets see how ita going to end without porn

 

So i know i wont get any replies here anymore, since you aguys already told me everything i needed to know.

But i want to say that today i tried masturbating to guys sometimes and all i can say is, is really hard to imagine a guy since theres no guy im really attracted or ir my type so i pick a handsome guy, i started fantasizing and dont know if its because im stimulating myself, bc when i only fantasize about this i dont get hard and all, but when masturbating i have some reaponses, a semi erection and more sometimes but is its like a roller coaster, i get some erection and feel some arousal and then start to go flaccid, then it happens again and again, plus its a very weird feeling that i feel while doing this, but i do get some arousal and some erection to it, and there are specific things that seems to get me aroused, but bc of porn. I am aroused seeing man ejaculating in porn so when i try to fantasize about it only porn comes in my mind.

With what i did today i dont really know whats going on, bc it feels like at some point i will get very aroused and will ejaculate but i never get trully hard, just like a semi or more before it gets down a little. I dont know if anxiety can make this but i dont think so, you guys always tells me that is ocd and all, and i believe it is too, but with these semi erections and arousal sometimes to gay fantasies, i dont really think is ocd isnt it? Bc if i get hard and feel some arousal, its bc i like it, isnt it? I dont want to try again, but im in more doubt now, i see a lot of ppl saying that we should masturbate to fantasies and i did a lot of times as well, but now it seems like a real deal, some arousal and some erection too.

Im probably bi bc of that and i wasted your time, sorry for doing this guys, it was so simple, im probably bi, it was just that. Bi with ocd, probably that. So sorry for everything but i really think im a bi guy.

Sorry @Chip, i know you got very angry with me. So sorry for bothering you