I have dated my boyfriend for 3.5 years. Throughout the relationship I always said, " if you cheat on me and tell me we may be able to work it out, but if you dont tell me, we have a bigger problem." In the beggining of the relationship I was a great looking guy and a little heavy but built strong. I got ripped and lean and in the last 2 years put on weight but have been working out hard and and in a few months I will have a respectable body again. I say this because as my weight increased so did my insecurity. Nothing about my demeanor nor my personality changed, things in my perspective were going great. And after a trip abroad we took together (about 5 months before the incident I will speak of took place), he told me he doesn't care if I get fat, he loves me and he said it genuinely. I told him I will get in shape after I graduate for sure so there is nothing to worry about but I appreciate it. I kept my end of the bargain so far. Anyways my insecurity provoked me to start looking through his texts messages on occasions. Every once in a while I will find something fishy, but he would calm me down and explain it. I bought it cause typically he never stopped me from looking at his phone he just mentioned the trust was being tested by looking at his phone and I shouldnt do it. *Also noted, he met everyone in my family and I his, our families love us together and think we are perfect as I believed we were. This is my first relationship that lasted past 3 months* Things are going fantastic, best they have ever been for the last year and a half. I think to myself I am going to marry him, and I believed he wanted that as well. But, tonight I looked through his texts through his mac book since he is apply user after editing some of his essays. I found text messages from a year and a half ago that was explicit enough to confirm cheating. It was during a time he went away for a work trip for a few days. He said he was at a bar and that it happened so fast and was immediately guilty, and never did again. He said he was planning on telling me if we were to get married in the future and I am the ONE. BUT, here is the thing. HE went to the guy's hotel room. He walked into the elevator, shot some cute texts, then while in the hallway he texted he had to take a phone call. And then he went in and cheated on me. I love(d) him so much. But, right now with every brain cell it is telling me to break up and that the past I imagined has suddenly been shattered. But, every other part of my body and heart want to work through this. So all I ask.... is it possible. Can the trust be mended? Will we get back to how things used to be in my head? Thank you.
This is so touchy... I am so sorry to hear this... It seems pretty clear to me that he has cheated on you and it seems like he will do it again, for whatever reason he might have... If cheating and lying about it really hurts you then I would say that you should separate and see what happens. I am sad to say though, at least in my case that it is very difficult to mend trust. Trust is made of something invisible, just like love, and it is not governed by laws or anything material. It is maintained and preserved by the people bound by it, and their actions. If he broke trust that easily, it means that he wasn't up for maintaining it in the first place. It might be painful, you may have to break up with him.
