I called him up and we had a small chat about some stuff and then I asked if it was okay if I shared some thoughts I'd had as I've had a lot of time to think recently: When you first met mum I guess you though that she appeared like a caring and open minded woman but this appearance was superficial, a barely sustainable illusion. After scratching the surface you discovered this was not the case, she was the exact opposite. I have recently gained great insight into mum, she has been toxic for a very long time. She was incapable of true love because she didn't love herself. She's gone through life her letting her internal misery infect everyone who gets too close to the toxic cloud surrounding her. She has unknowingly pushed away everyone she has ever loved. So I want to let you know I don't blame you for the failing of your marriage. I'm guessing you tried to let her know your deepest self and all she did was reject it. This infection and rejection are both things I have experienced with her first hand. In fact she's hurt everyone who's ever let her in. She has consistently preyed on vulnerable and the good hearted, waiting for them open up so she can hack at their very core. I want you to know that I love the deep conversations I have with you, I mean I truly treasure them. I feel safe talking to you because I know you will never judge me for what I've said. Something mum has shown many times to be incapable of. Thank you for giving me the gifts of your intelligence and open mind. I want to thank you for staying at home with us as long as you did, it can't have been easy to be constantly faced with that level of negativity and toxicity. You made a true sacrifice for me and Henry. I'm grateful you stuck around so I could have the precious childhood memories of you I still cherish. You are one of the kindest most caring people I know. You had to leave us for the sake of your own sanity, I hope you never feel bad about that. Without you we could never have gone to the school we did and escaped mums tyranny and oppression. Henry and I would most likely have turned into grade A psychopaths without that escape. You have provided Henry and I with a type of nurture that mum is simply incapable of. She used to hate it after we came back from seeing you, you filled us with so much confidence and self worth in such a short space of time. She just saw beating us back down as a chore. It angered her. I want you to know that you never need worry about our relationship and if I’ve ever done anything to make you think otherwise I'm truly sorry. I am loyal to you through and through, this is something you've fully earned. I understand now why that text message I sent when I was 13 hurt you so much, all you've ever done is try to be close to me. I'm so sorry, I didn't know what I was saying. And now I need to tell you small and stupid that I know you won't give a s**t about – I'm gay. He Said: Thats fine, I don't care. We Carried on the conversation as though I'd told him my hair was brown.
Your dad sounds great, sorry your mom is so horrible though. One question I have is what is the text message that you mentioned that hurt so much? Otherwise, a very good speech.
Congratulations, I'm so glad your father was accepting! I think it's great that you took the opportunity to address other issues in your relationship with him, too. It sounds like you really were able to connect with him.
I was at boarding school and was lonely, I sent him a text. He didn't reply within a day so I sent another saying "Am I not worthy of a reply". He got really pissed of with me. I Just thought I'd made a joke.
