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Came out as trans, wearing men's clothes

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by jaxyu, May 23, 2021.

  1. jaxyu

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    Hi! I'm a trans guy, and I'm also in high school. With covid, I'm not going back to school in person until september, but I'm a bit worried with wearing men's clothes in public. I think that I look fine, but I didn't know anything about sizing, and neither did my mom. So, I'm wondering if anyone else also experienced something like this and how do they cope with being comfortable in wearing clothes but fearing getting judged?
     
  2. QuietPeace

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    Welcome to EC.

    There are fewer issues with those perceived as female wearing mens clothes than the other way around so relax a bit about doing so in public. As far as sizing, mens clothing is easier than womens where the sizing often seems almost random from brand to brand. For pants they are measured by waist and inseam which you can find with a tape measure. Shirts it is by neck size though it is less important unless you are trying to dress really nice. With shoes go down one to one and a half sizes (for US sizes). Most places where you shop you should be able to try the things on first. I have had the issue from the other direction. Even with going in presenting male and shopping for womens clothing I found that the people working in stores do not really care (and this was back in the 80s). If someone does start to question you just mention that you are trying to find something for a costume party.

    As far as doing it in public. Most people do not really pay close attention to others in public and will probably not even notice. Keep up the normal habits that you have learned about not walking in certain neighborhoods, out after dark and such and you should be ok.
     
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  3. ErickWolf

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    I'm sorry if this isn't super helpful, but congrats! I guess I can say a few things advice-wise. The most important thing imo is to wear what you like and feel comfortable with, not what other people think you should!

    For sizing, if this helps, I'm about 5'0" and currently 115-ish pounds and I wear a men's small, sometimes medium (I like my clothes comfortably loose but not hugely oversized). It depends on your personal needs, preferences, and body type, but I also say definitely pay attention to different styles/cuts. They make stuff like husky sizes that are a bit roomier, which I personally found to be a godsend because my legs do not fit into the slim-fit stuff that is very common in stores.

    As for dealing with being judged, my way of dealing with it is to either basically ignore people or to kinda give them a blank or vaguely annoyed look. If there's situations where it's not safe to be out, don't. I still use women's bathrooms if there's not any unisex/single ones, and while nobody has ever said anything to me and I do my best to just not really look at anyone and do my business and get out, if people do say anything just be like "I'm a tomboy." Which sucks that we have to say that kind of shit but better safe than sorry! I also make sure to carry a visible purse when I'm in there.

    To edit, if anyone asks, a good idea might be to say it's a boyfriend's, friend's, hand-me-down, etc. That's another one of my go-to types of responses I have prepared for if a stranger actually says something to me.
     
    #3 ErickWolf, May 23, 2021
    Last edited: May 23, 2021
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  4. jaxyu

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    Thanks for the advice! I was wondering what other transmasc/gnc people do about bathrooms, but was sorta scared to ask! Thanks!
     
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  5. ErickWolf

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    No problem! The bathroom shit quite frankly sucks, but there's sure ways to deal with it. I've found that my ways of navigating it have worked well. I'm sure it varies by area and people, but I've been lucky enough to have been basically just ignored.
     
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  6. PatrickUK

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    Most men's clothing is fairly neutral and there are plenty of women out there who are not trans who wear items from the men's department, simply because it's more comfortable. I guess the only item women don't normally buy from the men's department is underwear, but I may be wrong about that?

    In most cases people just think "tom-boy", so I doubt you will get any major hassle for wearing men's clothes.
     
  7. QuietPeace

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    I actually know several cis women, not even all of them are lesbians, who prefer to wear boxers from the mens aisle.
     
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  8. PatrickUK

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    Well, I have learned something there. Even I don't like wearing boxers, so...! :smile:
     
  9. Unsure77

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    I’m discovering I like the Tomboyx boxer briefs (which I think are meant to be gender neutral). Can’t explain why, but they’re more comfortable to me most of the time. Only time I don’t wear them is once a month. And I’m cis (granted a lesbian and maybe a little on the androgynous/chapstick lesbian side of things)
     
  10. Mihael

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    In my case... when I got my hair cut short, people were surprised to see me in the women's bathroom. Nothing unpleasant, really, but I got stared at, and the ladies wondered out loud if they were in the men's bathroom. So I started to use the men's bathroom and... nobody even looks at me twice since then.

    Sizing. For most trans guys the size will be S or M. Men's clothes have sizing that is much more uniform and straightforward, so try on a couple of clothes and you will see from then on. You can look up sizing charts if they are available.

    Nobody ever cared about me wearing men's clothes. The "worst" that can happen is that you will pass for a guy. So even with long hair, I was met with several odd stares when shopping for a bra and "excuse me sir"s. I guess men's clothes make sense with my overall demeanor. Also when shopping people tended to assume I buy stuff for my boyfriend or brother if they didn't think it was for me... which was fine too.

    As for boxer briefs... um, no need to buy "special" female boxer briefs. You can find fitted boxer briefs in chain stores and there is no trouble wearing them on period. Personally, I find men's briefs more comfortable, because they have room at all.

    Edit: it crossed my mind that men's bathrooms don't have bins in stalls, so it makes it a bit more difficult when you're on period. I would reccommend carrying some plastic bags for pads to throw them out somewhere. But nobody noticed or cared that I carry a pad to the bin so far. If you wear tampons, you can just flush them in the toilet.
     
    #10 Mihael, May 24, 2021
    Last edited: May 24, 2021
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  11. Unsure77

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    So, pads work with briefs? I hadn’t tried. I always do the ones with wings. I struggle with leakage with just traditional women’s’ briefs.

    I like that the boxer briefs are less revealing. I get sir’d a fair bit and I’m not even trans. I think part of it is my chest isn’t very large as well. I did have long hair and then sort of a longish pixie cut and now it’s basically buzzed on the sides and long on top. That middle length seemed to confuse people less, which is odd. I got sir’d way more with long hair.

    sorry, me chiming in probably isn’t helpful since I’m not trans.
     
    #11 Unsure77, May 24, 2021
    Last edited: May 24, 2021
  12. Mihael

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    With the tight ones.

    Oh. Leakage. I personally find that the pad moves around less in said briefs. But in general, if it leaks hard, wearing both a tampon and a pad at the same time works.

    Tbh I find boxer briefs more comfortable than women's panties. Women's boxer briefs don't work for me at all for whatever reason, just not my body type, plus they're too tight, more so than regular panties, which aren't very roomy anyway...

    Yeah. I get the same. In order of decreasing passing as a guy:
    Men's short haircut > long hair > women's short haircut.
    Women's short haircuts make me look the most feminine, it seems.
     
  13. clockworkfox

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    Depending on your build, some sizes/styles of men's clothes will work better than others.

    Men's pants are sized with two numbers, waist, then inseam. Your waist will be your natural waistline regardless of the cut of the pants, which is about belly button level. Your inseam is from the crotch of the pants to the end of the legs. Depending on your build though, you might find that you need to size up in the waist measurement, because men's pants are slimmer through the thighs than women's pants.

    When I first started wearing men's clothes, I was a 34/30 in pants, and a small in shirts. That doesn't seem too bad, but I'm all of 5'4", and my natural waist was actually only 31", so the effect was that I looked fairly hippy. I couldn't get away with a smaller waistline because my hips and thighs wouldn't comfortably fit in 'em. I found that cargo pants worked better than most cuts of jeans on me at that time, because the pockets on the side of the pants balanced me out a bit, so I wore more cargo pants than denim. Now my thighs have slimmed out a lot and I'm a 28/30, so I feel like I can get away with anything.

    Shirts were never much trouble. The only thing to watch for is the size of the collar. A little loose is ok, especially on a flannel or a casual shirt, but too loose and it looks like you rummaged through your dad's closet. Sleeve length can sometimes be tricky too, but you can always roll them up - problem solved.

    I find that for t-shirts, brands with a "unisex" fit versus a "men's" fit can sometimes make for better sizing. It's just a bit smaller, but they also tend to be just a bit shorter. If you're shorter like me, this can actually make a pretty big difference visually. I've tried on some t-shirts that nearly ended halfway down my thighs, and I want to know in what universe that's considered a small shirt.

    As far as sizing, that's really it! Waist, inseam, collar, shirt length.

    As for fearing judgement...truth be told, I've gotten a lot more push back for dressing goth than for wearing men's clothes. AFAB people can get away with a lot, really. At the end of the day, remember that you owe no one an explanation. You're wearing your clothes. They're comfortable for you. End of discussion.