I’ve discussed my past sexual abuse before on here... I’ve actually considered going to other outlets because I hate continuing to sound like a broke record in here... but one option I’ve tried wasn’t a great choice... Summary of past: 4 years old husband of a baby sitter molested me one time, 5 years old a teenager from church molested me once and was super aggressive which was horrible, 6 years old a teenager in my family started a “sexual situation“ that lasted for about a year. I’ve done tons of therapy and even did EMDR which was hell but helped a lot. The first two times have been worked through, the third is the one giving me an issue at the moment. So what’s been bothering me lately... a couple months ago I read an article on distorted memories with CSA. I am confident I’ve not distorted my memories.... EMDR and all. But I get so frustrated at how other people perceive how I feel about this situation. I don’t like to call what happened at 6 abuse or say he molested me. I was there. I remember how I felt about it then... how I felt about him and what we did. After the initial shocks of each new thing that was tried, there wasn’t any kinda strong negative reactions. Even the initial feelings were more like concern about getting in trouble or just confusion rather than negative. If I call this abuse, say it was awful or horrible, etc. what does that say about me because of how I felt then? That’s the problem I do think people get... that’s why I need both pictures. The one from now being able to acknowledge it being wrong... but the one from then where I was doing everything I could to find a reason to get into bed with him. I’m going back in person to therapy to talk it through out loud... I know my therapist says what others think or feel doesn’t matter but it does... if I was listening to someone say they had sex with a 15 year old at 6 I’d say, oh honey no that was abuse! So I get what everyone else is hearing... I get it... there’s just a disconnect between my brain and heart or something I don’t know!