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Broken hearted

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Thirdtimecharm, Aug 11, 2015.

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  1. Thirdtimecharm

    Thirdtimecharm
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    SO because I guess I am a glutton for punishment...and because I have a hard time with not having closure on issues I texted her, the subject of my post. Needless to say it did not go well. I was told that she looks as my "friendship" with her was not one of her finest moments and that essentially her life is better without me. I am not sure how one can become so close with another person and share intimate moments and then say something so hurtful and mean to another. I guess my expectation with people, in person or online, is that they would have so common decency with situations and respect for what the two of your shared. Being made to feel like a joke and used, is not a good feeling. I cannot imagine saying such things to someone. The intensity of having your heart broken by another woman is so very painful. I was silly to think that I meant something to her. Really a fool.
     
    #21 Thirdtimecharm, Aug 30, 2015
  2. Really

    Really
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    You know, reading this, it sounds like she has something to feel guilty about. No idea what. Maybe how she treated you or some secret she hasn't revealed or feeling she's not faced up to. But her "attack" seems like the actions of someone on the defensive. Sort of like, hurt you before you have a chance to hurt her.

    I think I did this once as a child. Got in trouble for it and was made to come clean.

    Treat yourself to something nice and then find some adults to make friends with. She wasn't ready for what you have to offer.
     
    #22 Really, Aug 30, 2015
  3. Thirdtimecharm

    Thirdtimecharm
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    Thanks Really.
    I appreciate the input. Sometimes I feel like a crazy person, imaging this relationship in my head Bc I cannot believe that someone I was so close to would ever say the words that she did to me. I have to move forward I know, just hurts that I was so vulnerable with someone and the end result is rejection.
     
    #23 Thirdtimecharm, Aug 31, 2015
  4. rachael1954

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    I tend to agree with other posters here that your woman felt she overextended herself to you and is now just drawing back in self-protection mode. Either she is afraid to face her feelings for you, or she is afraid to face her feelings for herself.

    Both are powerful things. But she is going to have to face those feelings someday. I'm sorry she wasn't honest or mature enough to "come clean" in an adult way, and instead retreated in a barrage of hateful words. You deserve far better!!!!
     
    #24 rachael1954, Sep 5, 2015
  5. Thirdtimecharm

    Thirdtimecharm
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    Thanks Rachael, insight and support is appreciated. I should have never ever let my feelings develop to that level---a part of me knew better....but a part of me couldn't help it-these damn feelings.
     
    #25 Thirdtimecharm, Sep 5, 2015
  6. kinsey

    kinsey Guest

    I know it's crazy-making to speculate: but there is also a chance her husband discovered this back-and-forth, and has forced her to write back to you in this way, monitoring the correspondance, as part of an ultimatum. Might sound nutso, but this happened to a friend of mine. And it could explain the sudden hurtful nature.
    Whatever the true reason, it's pretty clear it is being generated by something going on in her side of the world. Trust your gut, and your own experience. And I'm so sorry this happened to you.
     
    #26 kinsey, Sep 5, 2015
  7. Thirdtimecharm

    Thirdtimecharm
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    Hi Kinsey,
    Thanks for your note.
    It's not her husband...he is pretty much in his own world and she was considering divorcing him and moving on to live on her own. We had talked for a year with little to no issues...well actually who am I kidding her and I would bicker and go back and forth as if we were a couple, fighting about silly things that friends would not fight about. Even from the beginning she began the flirting and the being forward, initiating this back and forth that began between her and I for some time. The way we talked to one another at one point made me feel uncomfortable Bc I liked it so much and I am in a committed relationship and didn't intend to begin something with her. I told her this. Asked her to change the way she talked to me. She did for a bit but then went right back to her teasing and flirting. Feelings developed pretty quickly for me and she said she had some as well but we both wanted friendship. Then she quickly changed telling me that she didn't have feelings for me, but the behavior didn't change. We texted just about 24/7, good mornings and good nights, afternoon phone calls and weekend chats. We were very connected. I loved it...I was attached. Then suddenly I am told that out connection was not real and that she wanted nothing to do with me. After an entire year. After all we shared....made me feel shitty to be honest....anyway, sorry. Doesn't matter. I accept my responsibility in it. I opened my heart to someone and let someone in, let my guard down. I should have known better. I just always try and see the good in people and want to believe in them....I need to toughen up and stop being so damn naive :/
     
    #27 Thirdtimecharm, Sep 5, 2015
  8. rachael1954

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    I will not go into details but due to my own romantic entanglement experiences I believe there is a lot of potential truth in this.
     
    #28 rachael1954, Sep 6, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2015
  9. confused04

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    Oh, this I understand all too well, and feel it more deeply than I anticipated. My senior year in college, I got very close to someone very quickly, and we were pretty physical--cuddling, holding hands, and I thought nothing of it, nor did I think of it anything other than a close friendship. After a few months she withdrew, became distant, and I was confused. A few weeks later, when we were both drunk, she kissed me and waited for my reaction.

    I told her I only thought of her as a friend, she went back downstairs and cried. I crawled in my bed and cried. It was awkward for a few weeks, but eventually we got back to "normal," with the exception of her not staying in my bed or holding hands (which was only when drunk).

    I graduated college, had a meltdown (literally, very depressed for 3 months), and realized that the only thing that I looked forward to every day was coming home to chat with her online (as she lived in a different city). Now I was really confused. I got up the courage to tell her that I was confused, and maybe I did care for her more than a friend? I didn't know. Still don't.

    I do not remember if she responded to what I said. All I remember is my end of the phone conversation, and not a single word of hers. How strange is that?

    Summer ended, she went back to school and stopped talking to me. I was devastated and confused. How can someone just turn their feelings off like that? She said that our relationship was unhealthy and she was a different person. WHen I went back to school for a few parties that fall, she ignored me. It hurt too much to be there, so I stopped visiting.

    Anyway, that was 12 years ago. I JUST told my therapist this story yesterday, and spent most of the session trying not to cry. Why on earth does it hurt still? I don't know, and have a feeling I am just beginning to dig into all of this, but I feel your pain.

    A part of me wishes I just never spoke of it to my therapist, because nothing can be changed about it. We haven't spoken in 12 years, and she's now married (to a man).
     
    #29 confused04, Sep 6, 2015
  10. Thirdtimecharm

    Thirdtimecharm
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    Confused04, I can totally relate to your experience, keeping what happened between you and ur friend close to your vest and not sharing with anyone. I am proud of you for talking to your therapist about it, I know how hard it was to share something like that Bc I have been in the same place. Opening up and sharing things like that is part of the journey to understanding yourself. It's hard, but very worth it once you talk through things and begin to really accept your feelings. It hurts Bc there were feelings there, unresolved---doesn't seem like you really had any closure.

    Hope the road gets easier for you, delving into latent emotions is so very tough and can make us raw in many ways but then we can build ourselves back up on a foundation of our true authentic selves and it will truly be worth it :slight_smile:
     
    #30 Thirdtimecharm, Sep 6, 2015
  11. confused04

    confused04
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    i hope so, right now i am not feeling very hopeful about it.
     
    #31 confused04, Sep 7, 2015
  12. Thirdtimecharm

    Thirdtimecharm
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    It's easy to feel overwhelmed and weighted down by ur feelings, confusions and frustrations. I feel the same, sometimes everyday, but I try to not let myself stay in that place too long and I try and stay positive. Therapy will do wonders for you, but you have to be open to it and also be open with ur therapist as well. Be honest, let everything go, put it out there. That energy of worrying, and stress is sitting inside of you and holding you back. Opening up about the truth is hard, but freeing and believe me you will fee like a different person....
     
    #32 Thirdtimecharm, Sep 8, 2015
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