I just hope that I'll find a little relief if I will put my pain in words.because I dont have many people to talk with and its hard for me meet up anyone now. I had a relationships with a woman I was truly in love. However we have never had sex. The reason was me and my standings that I will never have sex with her until she is fully free. (She was married with a guy,but they didnt live together anymore).I wanted her badly in the begining,bet I could not to give up my principles,its just didnt see right,becuse I believed that only free people can engage themself into commitments.she couldnt get a divorce because of a a big mortgage loan,common property and financial issues.i waited patiently and just enjoyed our time together.we lived like a couple,shared appartament and bed,just didnt have sexual relationships.and time was going and we were together for about 5 years! We hade common friends ans so on. I know it was hard for her to be oppressed sexually but i didnt probably realised how hard it was.so after all she left me for another guy she met occasionaly(we all three had a common hobby and once she even invited me to meet him for a beer). She said she realised she could not go on living without sex.she didnt say anything about affair until i asked if she was sleeping with someone else.she confessed and said that she is interested more in another guy now.I told her that she needs to leave than since I cannot observe how she dissapears every night. I feel very devasteted.I amam cheat,dumped and I feel betrayed.I also feel guilty because it was my fault too.i feel angry that after all those years she said to me that she was much more into girls she have ended up with a guy.I said that i dont want to lose her and i will all that i can to give our relationships second chance.i said we could try dating again and will try to become more intimate.and that she is so important to me that i can give up all my codes.Its not that I dont want her,i just didnt allowed intimacy.she said she doesnt feel anymore the same way about me,she needs time and dont want to end affair now.she needs time,maybe 6 months.she "still like me but cannot think about me sexually".i asked if she is in live with the guy and she answered that no,but still likes him.I dont really believe that after 6 months of non-communication things could improve.and its putting me in denial-stage limbo. Now,afrer have written this its all seems stupid and trivial but it still hurts like hell.
