I've been with my boyfriend since January, and things have been great, we're great friends, always laughing and chatting, doing stuff together, it's been really amazing. However sex has been a problem between us, we've done stuff but it became clear he's not really into it, I've always been conscientious to check with partners that they are into whats happening, but it's become clear from some awkward situations and the fact he never initiates that something was wrong. I talked to him this evening and he's basically said he's into foreplay, but he finds anything more uncomfortable and awkward, not just with me but with previous partners too. He called himself a cuddle-sexual, which I read as couple talk for asexual but maybe he's not realised it, or prefers not to label himself. The issue is I am not at all asexual, and because of the meds such as Testosterone that I have to take I'm quite a horny guy. I've previously said to him that I would be into trying an open relationship, but he wants it to stay exclusive which I accepted as we were more sexually active together. I don't know what to do, I really like him, but it's made it difficult for me as I want to have sex with him, even if thats just jerking off together and yet he has made it clear now he doesn't want to, and also isn't interested in a more open relationship either, he's a bit jealous even at the idea of me having a Holywood film crush (Chris Pratt). I don't want this to be the end, but there have been a few other things like his desire to gain weight as a so-called 'gainer' which has seen him intentionally gain weight which I've found less attractive. Everything with him feels so good I don't want to give up, but I don't know how to satisfy my sexual desires, as much as his cuddle desires are satisfied.
Well, have you expressed to him that you don't enjoy him gaining weight. And that you want to help him be more comfortable with sexual contact but you don't know how? He sounds less asexual to me than just afraid of sex because most asexual people just have no sexual desire instead of being afraid of it or uncomfortable doing it.
Hey klix, It sounds like the two of you need to have an in-depth, honest, heart-to-heart discussion about your relationship. Sometimes a neutral, third party can help. Have you considered working with a couple's counselor?
I think there is a difference between waiting until a partner is ready, and waiting for something that is never going to happen. As much as one likes the person, there are certain things people need and want in a relationship. If sex is important to you, you should have a talk with your BF and decide from there if this can be something you two can work on, or if you have to let go.
I understand where you guys are at. I have someone I love but they have issues with sex and I too use to have issues with sex. Whether with a counselor or not, I recommend that you lovingly and respectfully express your needs and concerns about the relationships to him and how you need his help to work out some solutions. He needs to be apart of the problem solving process, because as a couple you're a team and both of you need to be putting in effort to make things work. You cannot make this work alone. It takes two to tango. A solution may be a compromise, couples counseling, or him exploring why he's not interested in sex. Maybe he's asexual, but there's a lot of causes for a disinterest in sex that can be helped and thus changed. If he's not willing to explore or make some compromises so your needs get meet, there's only so much you can do. Either you accept the relationship as it is (sexless) or accept that you two aren't as compatible as you'd hope. Whether because what you want is too vastly different or you can't really work as a team. It's heart breaking because you are such good friends and there may be many wonderful aspects of your relationship, but a great friendship may be all he can offer. A loss of an unfulfilling romantic relationship is worth finding someone who you are compatible with and build a satisfying relationship with. I really do hope things go well and he gets on board to work things out.
