Any advice on how to deal with working around homo- and transphobic colleagues at work? My workplace used to advertise itself as being “inclusive”, “tolerant” and otherwise friendly for all kinds of people, which was one of the reasons why I started working here in the first place. It was also told multiple times that management will deal swiftly with any complaints regarding discrimination and hate speech… But the complaint form which supposed to be anonymous makes it easy enough to figure out who filled it out. Hearing slurs and lewd jokes, along with all kinds of nonsense about “gays taking over the world”, “kids being made trans”, et cetera, becomes increasingly annoying.
P.S. I’m looking for another job at the moment. Unfortunately can’t afford just to leave and risk being jobless for who knows how long.
I don't know, really; I've been a full time live-in carer since starting to come out, so have no real world experience of it. (I thought I was straight, still, back when I was working.) I can understand how isolated you must feel, though, it must feel like the world is against you in such an intolerent place. I suppose you are at least in work, and it doesn't sound as though the abuse is aimed at yourself specifically? (I hope not!) Can you not become more involved in the LGBT+ scene outside of work? So that you don't feel so alone? (If you haven't already.) It must be very frustrating for you, to have accepted yourself but have to remain in the closet. I bet you are bursting to spread your wings! If nothing else, then being a part of online communities like this one can help.
Thank you, @luminousecho. No, I’m not being individually targeted at work, but it hurts to hear the group of people you belong to being denigrated on a regular basis. I’m not directly or openly involved with the local LGBTQ scene as it carries risks that I’m not yet willing to take, but I do try to help without being overt about it, from anonymously donating to relevant charities when I can, to spreading information and trying to educate people when I can. I would really love to spread my wings, as you’ve beautifully put it, but alas I’m afraid that such a flight might turn out to be Icarian, in a way.
This is a deep one. Story: I used to live in Philadelphia, PA. I worked with some people who made a ton of lewd and inappropriate comments/jokes about the LGBT+ community. I was very offended but I never said anything. I was nearly at the end of my rope after several months. It was then that I found out the ones who I thought were offensive, were gay. I finally felt at ease, and even started laughing at their jokes. That put me in quite a mental conundrum. I couldn't figure out why I was offended when I thought they were straight, but not offended after finding out they were gay. I considered myself a hypocrite. Now, people (straight or gay) can say or think whatever they want and I just don't care. I choose to not be offended. Everyone has their own opinion, and I respect that.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's not okay to denigrate people for their sexual orientation or anything. Saying bigoted things out loud at work where people have to be and should be free to work without that is not acceptable. I don't know what you can do because people who say bigoted stuff don't care about other people. The solution should be simple, anon complaint, management reminder, people keep saying shit like that get warned and fired if they keep it up. Harassment and insults are never okay. Good luck and I know it sucks going to work like that so I'm sorry.
You're welcome @Keller, Well, the main thing I found, anyway, is that you accept yourself, which you seem to have done. I'm very sorry to hear that it is so risky for you, where you live, but it is better to stay safe. It is the same here, really, I sometimes think it is stuck in the 1970s! Anyway I see that you have other replies so I won't overload you. Glad that you're getting involved.
Thanks for sharing your story. I don’t mind people having different opinions, at least as long as they present them in a civil manner and don’t incite violence. Perhaps I could try filing an anonymous complaint, but I’m afraid it might be quite easy to figure out who wrote it, as it’s a rather small organisation - better have a backup plan first.
