Hey, so this is my first post. Everyone here seems so accepting, I think I'll stay awhile. I am a 13 year old girl, (Just barely made the cut) and I'm questioning whether or not Im bisexual. I apologise in advance for how long this post will be, but I need to get everything I've been holding inside of me out. I'm too scared to talk to anyone about how I feel. Here it goes. I've been questioning for over three years. Since I about 10. I've until then , I didn't think about my sexuality. I didn't even know you could like guys AND girls. I would crush on guys, never on a girl, until about a year after I started to question. She was my sports team. At first, I didn't even register my attraction to her as a crush. I just knew I want to be around her all the time. Shes beautiful, smart, and funny. I would get butterflies and my day would be so much brighter when I was with her. She eventually quit my team. I remember sobbing in the bathroom with her, and as we said our goodbyes, she gave me a kiss on the cheek, just to comfort me, nothing else. I gave her a kiss back. And one more. I regretted the second one, but I just wanted to be with her. She's the biggest crush I've ever had. Once that whole wreck was over with, I didn't feel attracted to anyone, so my questioning slipped away. I thought for awhile, maybe I was gay. Oh but the tides have changed, I've met a guy I like a lot, I know him pretty well too. I have trouble thinking about myself doing anything physical with a guy beyond kissing though, even thinking about makes me uncomfortable. If everything ended there, I probably would have come out already. But there's a problem I'm having with that. There's no problem with people being bi, you can't change how you feel. But two of my very close friends are bi, as well as three others in my grade. I know lots of my peers think of them like they're doing for attention, and I don't want to be thought of that way especially if I end up straight, and I have to confess "Nevermind I'm not bi!" How embarrassing! I don't know how my friends would take it either. They are very casual about it. Very confident. I don't feel that Im "a real bisexual like my friends" solely because I've been struggling for so long. I've talked to my friends briefly, and apparently they've come to the conclusion of their orientation quite quickly. Thanks if you managed to read all of this. I know it's very confusing. Even if I don't get my point across, it felt so good to type this. One thing still remains. Am I bisexual? Should I give it time, maybe it's a phase? Depending on answers, I might need some coming out tips. Is coming out to friends a good place to start?
Don't worry about the post being to long, you have a lot on your mind and need to get it out. You should see the post I made when I first got on here, It was almost twice as long, and way more convoluted... Anyway, I'm here to talk about you, not me. So first of all let's get one thing out of the way, no one but you can really figure out who and what you are. Not me, not anyone else on this site, not your friends, just you. In the end, it's you who needs to make the decision, because your the only one who can feel what you feel. I know that can be frustrating when your questioning, I'm there with you (maybe a little ahead of you but from the sound of it not that far). It sucks. But just because you have to figure this all out yourself doesn't mean you can't get help along the way, and since your here, your on the right track for that. This site is a great place to ask questions, find answers, and get help with those tricky questions. So with that said, I'll stop rambling and get to the helping part. First off, don't feel bad because you didn't figure this out earlier. Your not late, believe me. I'm in my twenties and I'm just starting to figure all this out. Everyone figures these things out at their own pace, so just because your friends knew they were bi earlier then you, doesn't mean you can't be bi too. On a similar note, there's nothing wrong with taking time to figure this all out. It's not like you need to decide who you are right now. I know it can feel that way, but honestly, your 13, no one knows who they are at 13, that's basically the point of being a teenager. You have time, you don't need to rush. There's not due date for determining your sexuality, so feel free to sit back and take the time you need. Now for the question you came here for. Are you Bi? In my opinion you do sound Bi. What you described with that teammate definitely sounds like a crush. That means girl crushing on girl, so chances are good your not straight. And since you said you have also had crushes on boys, then it seems to me that you experience attraction to both sexes, which is basically the definition of bisexual. An important note to make here is that bisexuality doesn't mean equal attraction to both sexes. It's a sliding scale with gay on one side, straight on the other, and a whole lot of different shades of bisexuality in the middle. Some Bi people like girls more then guys, some like guys more then girls, and some like both equally. As long as there is some level of attraction to both sides, your still Bi. Also, it's possible for your sexual and romantic attractions to be in different places on that scale. This means that you could, for example, find men more physically attractive, but prefer women when it comes to relationships. As a last note on this topic, sexuality is fluid, and changes all the time. That means that just because you were more attracted to girls at one point, doesn't mean it will always be that way. Eventually you could decide you like guys better. that's fine, that's normal, it all comes with the package of being Bi. With that said, there's one more thing I want to address before I shut up and post this. That's your big concern, that your not really Bi and just pretending for attention. I know that feeling. I've been there. Some times I still wander back there when I'm felling down or confused by this whole sexuality mess. I think a lot of the worry stems form the way society represents sexuality. Your either gay or straight, and if you refuse to identify as one, your either lying or confused. That's not the case. Bisexuality is a thing, It's real, it's valid. Does that mean that no one ever pretends to be Bi when their not? I don't know, probably. There are some seriously messed up people in this world, so who knows. But from what you wrote, it doesn't sound like that's the case with you. However, as I said earlier, your the only one who can really decide that. I know It's hard, I'm there with you, it sucks. But in the end you have to be the one to figure it out, because only you can feel what you feel. However, there are questions you can ask yourself that might help you figure this all out. First of all, do you find boys physically attractive? how about girls? Can you imagine yourself in a relationship with a boy? how about a girl? Can you Imagine being intimate with (touching, kissing, making out, sex) with a boy? With a girl? Do you have sexual fantasies about boys? What about girls? When you think about your future, like years from now when your an adult, who do you see yourself with? A man? A woman? Can you see yourself with both? There are probably other questions I could ask, but this should be enough to get you started, and I've gone on long enough here. I hope this helps. I've said it a lot here, but your not alone. Questioning sucks, but this site is a good place to do it. Hopefully my advice, and others when they come, will help you get this all figured out. Good luck.
I have said this before on this forum, but it bears repeating. Sometimes, it's about the person and has nothing to do with what they have in their pants. That sentiment is not bisexuality, but pansexual. That said, it does sound like it's possible you're bi as you do seem focused on boys and girls only, but there's no reason you have to identify yourself as anything, especially at such a young age. If people ask, just tell them that you're experimenting a bit to try and figure it all out. In addition, the idea of going beyond kissing (either with a guy or girl) making you uncomfortable could be your age. It's possible that you're just not ready yet, and that's entirely okay. And.... everything @jam93 said as well.
Jam93s question list is very good. And I also echo what Twist said. So what else is there to say? Well first some sympathy. Three years of questioning is a lot, a whole lot, when you are 13. Think of what a big fraction of your life that is. So it's kinda like you are young but not young at the same time. Next: two data points. Two whole points. (Your sports crush and the guy.) Not much to go on. And who can blame you for that? High school seniors have (often) a lot of experiences to contrast and compare. Not you yet. So don't feel bad about not solving a very hard problem. I think if you cry when saying your goodbyes to somebody that's a pretty strong sign. I bet when she kissed you she had a little suspicion about your crush. The good side of this (OK I'm trying hard to find it) is that you are capable of loving, and you have experienced what it's like. Now you are understandably worried because it hasn't happened over and over again. But not everybody is as special. To you. You will have to meet more people and see how you feel about them. That's called living. Like you said, this is a very accepting forum. Stick around and do some reading. Then you will have some experiences — other people's — to give you some perspective. Pretty soon you will be giving advice yourself!
Just jumped in lol, but I am in the same boat as IndiaB. I'm two years older, but it stresses me out all too much to figure out my sexuality. All of you did clear some things up and I'm so grateful. Thank you!!
