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Bi or Lesbian? I'M SO CONFUSED

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by pebbles, May 27, 2020.

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  1. gurlinred

    gurlinred
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    @LostInDaydreams
    Yup, sorry. But in a way, I feel like I kinda meant that I don't fully know for 110% sure that I am lesbian. Personally I am so bothered by the fact that I only like girls but part of me is like "you are straight" and the rest of me Is like "you idiot no she's not". I don't understand what this means or why I feel this way, all I know is it makes me so frustrated like really pissed at myself that I can't just know already even though there is no rush.
     
    #21 gurlinred, May 28, 2020
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  2. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Can you explain why it bothers you?

    It’s not uncommon. A lot of people feel an expectation to be straight or have internalised the homophobia and homophobic messages that they have witnessed during in their lives.
     
    #22 LostInDaydreams, May 28, 2020
  3. gurlinred

    gurlinred
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    #23 gurlinred, May 28, 2020
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  4. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    That’s ok. :slight_smile: These things can take a little time to work out.

    You might just become more comfortable with time.
     
    #24 LostInDaydreams, May 28, 2020
  5. gurlinred

    gurlinred
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    Thank you so much you have been a big help!
     
    #25 gurlinred, May 28, 2020
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  6. pebbles

    pebbles
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    Yeah, sometimes I feel like if I am lesbian I should've known earlier? I know that's not true and people can find out at anytime, but I can't get it out of my head.
     
    #26 pebbles, May 30, 2020
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  7. pebbles

    pebbles
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    Thank you for the comment! It's just difficult for the whole label thing because I just feel like it would feel more real if I could label myself? Though it's nice knowing they're not necessary and can change.
     
    #27 pebbles, May 30, 2020
  8. pebbles

    pebbles
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    Same! I think I have a problem with recognizing if I find someone attractive or if I'm actually attracted TO them, you know?
     
    #28 pebbles, May 30, 2020
  9. gurlinred

    gurlinred
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    YES! I completely understand that! ahaha
     
    #29 gurlinred, May 30, 2020
  10. pebbles

    pebbles
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    I think it's probably telling that at the beginning of high school (before I deeply considered being queer) I declared that under no circumstance would I get into a relationship. Then I though that I just didn't have time, but looking back maybe it's less that I didn't want to date and more that I didn't want to date a GUY? But idk. I still find the idea of being with a guy daunting and not too appealing, but maybe that's just nerves and doesn't have to do with my sexuality?
     
    #30 pebbles, May 30, 2020
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  11. pebbles

    pebbles
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    I relate to this SO HARD. Like most of the time I'm like "I must be lesbian" but then my brain will go "no you're straight you're just making this up for attention" or something stupid. It's like the term lesbian sounds like such a commitment (even though I understand you can switch your labels if one doesn't fit). I just want to KNOW and stop my brain but guess I can't have that for a while.
     
    #31 pebbles, May 30, 2020
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  12. gurlinred

    gurlinred
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    I feel you. But if I switched labels every time I began questioning myself again my friends would get really annoyed. haha
     
    #32 gurlinred, May 30, 2020
  13. La Corbeau

    La Corbeau
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    I am still closeted for this very reason. Anxiety brain sucks.
     
    #33 La Corbeau, May 30, 2020
  14. silverhalo

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    Oh totally. Most people like to have a label. That's just the way it is. I definitely went through a period when i was first figuring things out where i felt like I couldn't possibly be gay because id never felt gay as such and i didnt know how to be gay. Its a tough process.
     
    #34 silverhalo, May 31, 2020
  15. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    It’s amazing how easy it is not realise or notice something so significant about yourself.

    When I look back, I can recognise signs and they even look pretty obvious, but I just didn’t see it.
     
    #35 LostInDaydreams, Jun 7, 2020
  16. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    I didn’t dare anyone during school. I had a few “crushes” on guys, but once they asked me out or tried to do anything about it, I just couldn’t go through with it. The idea of kissing a guy made me incredibly anxious.
     
    #36 LostInDaydreams, Jun 7, 2020
  17. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    Totally this for me too. I think I just wasn't ready to see and deal with it.
     
    #37 silverhalo, Jun 9, 2020
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