Argh, for the past... however long, i'd been coming to terms with be gay etc. For the last six monthes I have really become comfortable with it. All the while i had a nagging thought, but i just ignored it. Now for the last month I have been totally psyched, ready to come out. But that damned nagging thought. Bi? Gay? Bi? Gay? I can't really figure it out. I see guys, i see that they're hot. And i see woman and see that they're beatiful, but don't really feel a physical attraction. I've never really had a crush or any such thing on anyone, so i can't use that to help guide me. I guess porns a fair indicator. And 99.9% is guys. But then maybe I just pigeon holed myself to soon. The thing that really throws me off is trying to imagine a long-term relationship. I can't imagine being old-aged and with the man i love. The old man & woman couple seems so perfect. Gay old men i find kinda creepy. Now this probably sounds like i just want to beleive i'm bi, but right now i really just want to be sure i'm gay. I was so happy with the idea. this was the little problem. I'm 17, male, btw. Now i know not to rush it I've heard that advice plenty. But i've been patient for ages, can't it just fall into place for me. I can't wait to tell everyone this great news about me. Hmmm, my rant is over. (for now... bwahaha) Thoughts? Thanks, that's a mighty big chunk of text. - Desko.
Hey there. I am/was in your exact situation. I couldn't get over the idea of being gay and so I still said that I was bisexual even though I'm not attracted to women in "that way." But yeah, I'm gay. That's all. That doesn't mean that I don't think women can be beautiful, smart, and attractive... just means that a guy, 99.99999999999999% of the time is gonna catch my eye more than a girl. Second, porn is never a good indicator of anything. I still like straight porn. That mean I'm straight??? Uhhhh no. I can get off on just about anything (eww this is turning into a dirty post ) but just because it's erotic doesn't mean much besides than just that... But yeah, I was in ur exact same situation where I was so sure right up until I was ready to come out that I doubted everything (sometimes I still do, it's quasi-natural, believe me)... and yes, you're right. I used to think that the label was all-important but I've come to realize that it's not. For all intensive purposes, if anyone asks, I'm gay. Does that label capture my entire range of motions and feelings and attractions? Nope, I don't think it really does for anybody though. Does it do a good enough job? Sure does. Does this mean that I'll NEVER find a girl attractive or want to get married to girl or something like that? Well, no. Never say never. But if you're really uncertain about your sexuality (like really uncertain) you might try just using the "queer" label, if any one at all. I've made it a habbit to add the "Q" in LGBTQ for this exact reason... some people just don't fit the mold. Anyway, I hope this helps and I'm not trying to say that you're one way or the other, gay or bi, I'm just lettin' you know my experiences. But one last thought-- it would be great if there was some machine that could tell you with certainty whether you're gay/straight/bi/whatever but it's not that simple. This is all based on who you are and what you feel... as long as you feel comfortable with yourself and you're happy that is ultimately all that matters. -CK PS: And no. Being happy, contrary to some idiots' beliefs, is not hedonistic- it's human. :lol:
CK seemed to respond pretty well to this. But just a thought I had... Do you *need* to come out as gay or bi. How about simply telling people that your "not straight?"
When one of my friends came out to me, he used the wording, "not straight." The other friend that was with me, took it to mean he was bi. I knew it meant he was gay. Not that there's anything wrong with people not knowing the whole truth, but they will assume one or the other, and to be perfectly honest, what would the big deal be if you changed your mind somewhere down the line? Like CK, I had to grapple with that same issue. I found women beautiful, but men really got me turned on. Women were like porcelain (spelling?) dolls that your mom has in a glass cabinet, you don't want to touch them because they'll break or get dirty... of course, I realized, I was happy to keep the dolls behind the glass doors. Guys on the other hand... well... let's just say a glass door wouldn't be able to keep me out. Anyway... I guess it's not that bad saying you're "not straight"... it leads them to the general vacinity of what you're trying to say. I just like a more straightforward approach.
Wow, thanks for your responses. It's good stuff. I guess i'm just looking for a black or white answer. If someone asks me I want to be able to answer with certainty. And also I want to know for certain. If you find one, will you let me know?
Aren't we all? It would be GREAT to know for certain, and you will know for certain... just give it time and your feelings, desires, fantasies, etc. will become more focused...
Even if/when you decide for certain, it may not be as certain as you think! A British musician named Tom Robinson had a few hits in the late 70s and early 80s, one of which was "Glad to be Gay" (which was banned by the BBC). He was openly 100% gay and strongly supported gay rights and human rights in general. Then in 1982 he met a lady and fell in love. The full story is here http://www.tomrobinson.com/pages/biog.htm and an interesting interview is here http://bcn.bi.org/issue22/tomrob.html Which just goes to show that however certain you may be now, you can't guarantee things will stay that way. Life is just not that predictable!
I know of a few celebrity "yestergays" but the thing is that he didn't stop being gay. Being gay focuses a lot on sex even though we all know there's much more to it than that. If you really wanted to get technical I guess he could call himself a bisexual but that's really all it is-- just a name. I do think people change over time but I think it's a little disingenuous to imply that he somehow just stopped being gay... -CK
