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Being trans without body disphoria?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Sultane, Sep 20, 2016.

  1. Sultane

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    Feeling odd about people seeing me as female recently (about the last 6 months). This has happened before about a year ago. However I have no problem with my body except for lack of muscle. I'm more interested in having my face and voice changed than my chest, if I consider surgery later. Feel awful when I think of being a girl (no disrespect to girls).
    Has anyone experienced anything similar? How late did you know you were transgender? Can you be trans without body disphoria?
     
  2. Sasu

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    I can't really answer the question of whether you can be trans without dysphoria, but since you said that you wanted your voice and face changed, that must mean that they somehow feel wrong or out of place to you, correct? In which case, I would say that that in itself can count as dysphoria. Dysphoria doesn't just have to be about your chest and/or genitalia.

    I know what you mean though. When I started questioning, I mostly felt social dysphoria, but the more I thought about it and the more I started to accept that I was trans, the more the dysphoria kinda started to set in. I'm completely out at school now, and though my body dysphoria wasn't previously that bad, I get extremely uncomfortable with my body now. I don't mean to scare you, it's just more like a warning of what you might want to be prepared for. I find that the more I accept myself as male, the more dysphoria I get and the more I want to physically transition, so maybe you're not feeling it right now because you're not that far into it yet?

    Either way, it's different for everyone so my experience most likely won't be the same as yours. For now, when you're figuring yourself out, try not to attempt finding justification in things like dysphoria, instead, I think you should follow how you feel you would be more comfortable. Ask yourself; would you rather live as female, or male, or something else? You can give whatever you think a try, and if it feels right, stick with it.

    Sorry if I wasn't much help, but I wish you luck!
     
  3. Rickystarr

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    I am not going to say whether you are trans or not because that is only for you to decide, but I will say that what you are saying could be dysphoria indeed. Just like the above poster said, dysphoria isn't just about genitals and chest. Voice dysphoria is actually very common for transfolk, and face dysphoria as well. I almost think that can be just as bad because those are two of the things everyone can see/hear right away.

    Before I accepted I was trans or even really seriously considered it, my face/voice/smallness still bothered me because those things were making me appear less masculine to those around me. Once I accepted that I was trans, it just got worse, not so much because they really bothered me personally, but again they were just making me be read as female. My dysphoria is mostly social because I feel like I am male inside and wish to be treated and referred to as such. The chest dysphoria kind of came later because I started to associate it with femaleness and now that I realize I am a guy, it makes me feel shitty to be a guy with tits, just like if I was a cis guy who happened to have tits. He'd probably have dysphoria about it too, and not want anyone to know they are there. But as a genetic female and having this face and this voice, everyone KNOWS they're there, no matter how well I bind.

    As for how late did I know: I first started presenting more masculine around age 15. I was having dysphoria (mostly about my smallness, high voice, face roundness, inability to pee standing, and reproductive organs) around 12-13, though I didn't recognize it as such until much later. I started considering myself more like a guy inside around maybe 16-17, though I didn't really feel the need to change anything besides working out and trying to get bigger. I also was smoking and kind of hoped it would lower my voice a bit. By this time I was only wearing men's clothing. (Oh yeah, I actually did have dysphoria about my hips already at this time. I would constantly look in the mirror and cover my hips and squint and pretend my waist went straight down.) Let me just clarify that I was identifying as a masculine lesbian this whole time, not really thinking I was a dude, just dudeISH.

    I think I was 17 when I first really learned what it meant to be trans. One of my friends came out as FTM and being the supportive friend I was, I researched transition HEAVILY. Like that is all I did for hours every night probably for a month. I am a curious person and again, this was my friend so of course I wanted to know what they were going through. Little did I know none of our friends but me were this interested in it at all.

    I was 18 when I first got it in my head that I was probably going to transition someday, but that thought was very fleeting and I quickly buried it deep down because I couldn't handle thinking about it yet. 19-22 I had bad social dysphoria and cringed everytime I was called ma'am or something similar and around 23 I finally exploded and starting questioning for real. I realized I couldn't handle this any more. And I am now 24.
     
    #3 Rickystarr, Sep 20, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2016
  4. Mihael

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    Well, it's not too detailed what you wrote. You didn't write why you feel like that about your body or being a girl. Also, I second the idea to try not to think about it in terms of who you are but rather what you want and how you'd be batter off, considering all the aspects involved. There is no wierder woman than me :wink: so if you wanna talk about how odd it is to be seen as a woman, you're welcome to write on my board :slight_smile: