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Been a while

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Bazinga87, Sep 12, 2018.

  1. Bazinga87

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    So it's been a while since my last post and really haven't kept up with my full story on here but for those of you that would like to hear/read it might help.

    Shortly before getting back on here from my 2 year hiatus I had made a stupid drunken mistake and hooked up with a man from those apps. I was well on my way out of my marriage at the time because we have not been able to hold it together.

    Well fast forward a couple of months and I find out that I caught something that night. World crashed in on me. It was around the time I posted my last story about my brother in law and longtime friend.

    I broke and told my wife everything and we still tried to make it work. Luckily she never recieved the present that guy had given me after multiple tests but I got to the point again that I knew I wasn't living authentically and in the middle of Aug I said I wanted a divorce.

    We have decided to stay friends and that we have to move in different directions but at the same time we can be there for each other too. It's been an emotional roller coaster with a lot of crying and remorse but I feel good about both our futures.

    My moral I'm trying to portray through the last 6 months is before i didn't think it could get worse so i did nothing to make it better and it got worse than i could imagine but the moment i started making decisions based on how I get healthy it started looking up.

    I'm still bruised but I'm also healing and know this is the path I've yearned for. I hope everyone can find that and I hope I will stay the path. With all the downs remember that the up will come.

    Love you all
     
  2. Nickw

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    Wow Bazinga

    That's really a wake up call about meeting men on an app and letting things go too far...which is really easy to have happen. I'm so sad that this happened to you. I hope what you caught was not a lifelong infection.

    It is inspiring that you are making this a positive thing and able to think about your life ahead of you.

    Take care.
     
  3. Bazinga87

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    Thank you NickW,

    It will be something I will need to manage but nothing that is life threatening either.

    I appreciate your words but don't feel sad for me, because I don't feel sad for me about it and I only told that part for that exact reason. Sounds like it made ya think and hopefully choose safe interactions in the future if you didn't already everytime.

    I try to find the positive in things the more I open up to myself. I lived in the negative for way too long and life is too short for that to me anymore.

    Wish you well
     
  4. Nickw

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    Yeah. Early on after my wife and I decided I could do some limited m2m, I met some guy on an app and went too far too soon. I freaked. It only takes one mistake. I told my wife right away and did some tests and all.

    Turns out the guy became a friend. But, I always think about how it is so easy to get caught up in the moment. I don't do intimacy now with someone I haven't built some sort of a relationship with. Still, nothing is totally safe.

    It's good that you have stayed friends with your wife through this whole thing. It's also really encouraging that you are feeling so authentic and have a positive outlook.
     
  5. Bazinga87

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    It does only take once lol, I'm the statistic that shows it haha but it's part of my story. I'm not going to say I'm proud of it or that it's no big deal but I also know telling it may help others to not make the mistake I made.

    I am fortunate that my wife/friend has been so understanding and forgiving. I don't deserve it but it just shows a bond between us that can overcome a lot and not being spouses has not seemed to change that as hard as it may sound.

    I'm glad that you guys were able to stay friends and I'm intrigued about your and your wife's story. Do you identify as bi and what motivated you to take that path with her?
     
  6. Nickw

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    I'm bisexual. My wife and I discussed that, since I had never explored my same sex attractions, that I needed to experience it.

    So, we set some ground rules. I could have limited play with guys unless she met and approved of more. Oral was out. The first guy went down on me and I told my wife I broke that rule. She decided guys would do that and it was unrealistic to say no. But, she wants me to know the guys. I met a guy I wanted to try intercourse with so I asked her. She met him and decided I could have a fling with him for a couple months.

    She lost her sex drive so she we are rarely intimate and I have a very high sex drive. So, we decided this could work.

    TBH, I'm getting tired of it a bit. I got to experience what I didn't as a young man and now I just would rather have a regular sex life with my wife.

    I think my wife understood I needed to experience this and then I would be an adult again!