Bad therapy...?

Hi Skiff- Since WTF is my phrase of the day I would say to your therapist WTF! Therapists are supposed to listen and maybe help you see other ways to look at a situation.That was unprofessional. I would be pissed off. A total mind. *uck. Excuse my language if offensive to anyone.
Coming out to your kids would let them know by example that it is ok to be who they are.
(Ohana posted something about her therapist & being gay & kids that was really good.)
Will have to find it.)

 

Hi Skiff,

Is your therapist somebody who specializes in LGBT issues? My strong recommendation would be to get one of those. This advice definitely sounds questionable to me.

Best wishes,
-- Annika

 

Ah, gotcha! Then please pass my recommendation on to her!

 

Yeah, I think many straight people just don't get sexuality. I was just listening on sports radio about the guy who came out today in the NBA (Jason Collins), and people just didn't get it! "Why would you tell people?" "What does it do for you?" "Does anyone care?" "We don't need to know", and worse. "Homosexuality is a sin" and "don't do wrong actions like gay actions - homosexuality is not wrong and I have no problem with it, but don't do the gay actions".

There was more than that. It was crazy. We need to really discover ourselves fully as people, and then maybe we can give better advice (if you're straight or bi). Accepting ourselves (as I've done, going from "straight" to a more accurate identity as "bi", even if I never really explored it before), and then I feel more understanding of people coming out in the gay/bi community.

 

Yeah, I've had some pretty bad therapists. I had one who, every time I tried to tell her about something that was bothering me, would try to convince me that I was making things up and that my problems were not actually that bad.

When we decided to end it, she said, "Gee! I feel like I didn't help you at all!" and I was like, "Gee! I wonder why?"

 

My wife and I are seeing a therapist who specializes in sex addiction treatment. She has given me the room to declare my homosexual arousal template, however there is this underlying feeling that I sense is that she sees me through an addiction lense.

She was not very helpful in declaring me possibly ADD and impulsive. Her example of my impulsivity was my comming out to not only my wife, but to my parents. I did not find this to be particularly affirming given the pain I was feeling and the overwhelming need to have some support.

I am getting the support I need from my gay therapist in individual sessions.

 

Most of the therapists I have seen, raise an eyebrow, and try to imply that being gay is a problem of acting out or some psychological dimension.

'It's too selfish to be gay.'

I am not sure how to judge what is professional and what is not in the world of therapy.

 

A123,

I just replied to you in another post about how similar our situations are then I read your response in the "BAD THERAPY" thread. Once again I'm going through the exact same thing. My gay therapist has allowed me to accept that I'm gay. I continue to question it from time to time even questioning HIS motives! But ultimately I know what direction I'm going. My couples therapist wants to say I'm slightly bi-polar and that leads me to hypersexual acting out. She's in the sex-addict camp. It makes life confusing for me. One thing I keep coming back to over and over again is how I actually feel inside. Do I feel gay inside? Yes. Do I still distrust this feeling from time to time? Sure. So how do I know I'm gay? Accepting it is changing my life for the better... that should count for something. The two therapist make life confusing for me but I'm going to go with the one that makes me feel more like me.

 

Bottom line, any therapist who is not fully accepting of your homosexuality as part of your complete and healthy person, needs to be fired. There is no help they can give if they can't accept the core being where everything good and loving and unselfish and generous and others-focused is rooted. End of story. When I'm looking for a therapist the first thing I ask is if they are gay-affirming.

 

Well I am a therapist (masters level and still looking for a job) we were told that we don't tell clients (or in this case couples) what to do. In this case the psychiatrist was suggesting that a client not be his real self. I could understand if the therapist regarded the idea by asking what consequences might be but this is out of line

Foxface

 

I agree, this is completely reprehensible. Tell your friend to go get another therapist, one specializing in LGBT issues - at least here in NYC, they're quite plentiful.

 

I have a straight therapist, who I love, who has unfortunately only done harm to me. It is really hard to accept but I feel that I've deceived myself for years and been extremely depressed as result of burying my gay self. Even though I constantly talked about my gay feelings, lack of attraction to my wife, etc., he never helped me accept my sexuality. When I finally told my wife, he was more upset that I hadn't discussed it with him and thought I was being self-destructive. So even though he hasn't blatantly told me coming out would be bad, or devastating to my kids, his actions never supported my authenticity and contributed much to confusion. I am leaving him. But I always end up loving people who are bad for me; I've got to change that.

 

You need to look up LGBT therapists. Or just go to local therapists websites & see if they list LGBT as speciality or sexuality issues. makes a big difference in treatment. There are strait lgbt therapists- but they have specialized studies/ expierience to help with identity issues & coming out.

 

There are a ton of lousy therapists out there.

Look for someone who has at least a masters degree, PhD doesn't hurt, and practices CBT or DBT or ACT -- something more than just plain old talk therapy.

And for the things we all need to deal with -- absolutely MUST specialize in LGBTQIA stuff!!

 

I got lucky on this one. I was seeing a therapist beginning in May of 2012. We discussed a lot of stuff. I kept noticing a picture of a woman on her desk. I didn't say anything but in January I told her that I was a lesbian and that I had come out to friends a few weeks previous. She got this big smile on her face and I knew. We were able to talk on a whole different level after that. I am no longer in therapy!

 

I agree with your other statement, that they must specialize in LGBT issues. However, the above I simply can't condone. This article does a good job at explaining why, and that looking for specific treatment modalities is counterproductive. You need someone that you feel comfortable with in the end, and that's someone that can validate that you are a unique person and your experiences, not slap a label on you and claim you're "fixed".

 

I met with two gay therapists and am joining a gay men's group next week but I have to finish with my old straight therapist; think I have a thing for straight men.